Love Is Blind [boyxboy love story]

Chapter Thirty-One: Atychiphobia - Fear of Failure

            I grinned, "He just wants to help."

            "He doesn't know how to help, he knows how to complicate things further and further," Adrian seemed exasperated.  I don't want to him to get angry so instead of starting another useless argument, I nodded and agreed with him.

            But stupidly I questioned further, "What do you mean?"

            Adrian stared at me, "Nothing."

            I blinked and just kept quiet.  It seemed to drive Adrian angry and he stops trying to tuck the sheets in the couch to make it more comfortable and sit down with his head in his hands.

            "I'm sorry I asked."

            "No, no, it's not..."  Adrian stared at me, and frowned, "Ajay, do you want to be with me?  Do you want to leave me?  Tell me now and I won't hold it against you, and I have no right to.  I don't want you to feel captive here..."

            "Do you?"

            Adrian looked confused, "Don't change the subject, we're talking about you.  Do you want to leave?"

            "Do you want me to leave?"

            Adrian groaned, "Of course not!  But I'm asking you, my opinion is completely irrelevant to the answer."

            "No, it isn't.  I'm staying here until you tell me to leave, until then you're stuck with me."

            Adrian stared at me, "Why, why do you want to stay?  You don't even remember me.  I'm a stranger."

            "I just want to, okay?"

            "Do you think you're trapped here?  I'll help you, I'll ask Ethan and..."

            "I'm fine right here."

            "But..." Adrian sees my determination and chokes.  I pulled his head to mine and kiss him softly on the lips.  As we separated, I felt his breath fan my face and I open my eyes to see his wide open.  He gulps and shoots out of the seat, "I'm gonna take a shower, bye."

            He ran out and once again I'm sitting on the couch, feeling more and more lost.

            I stared at my feet before I felt a bitterness wrap me up in its deadly clutches and I found myself take one sock off then the other, glaring at the bathroom door.

♥ Adrian’s POV ♫

Okay, what am I doing?  I'm not only shoveling my grave deeper, but I'm only ruining his life more.  What am I thinking?  I tossed my clothes in the hampers hard, before opening the shower and setting the water to hot.  I stare my nude reflection in the mirror and waited for it to fog up.  I took a big breath and calmed myself, very, very slowly.

            I'm driving myself to the very edge of insanity... Wait, this isn't my fault! It's Ajay's.  That bastard caused all of this shit, it's unbelievable.  I'm hurting Adam with every move I'm making and it's all Ajay's fault, I sighed loudly and stepped in the shower, letting the water flow onto me and soaking my hair.

            What this ends badly?  Adam is like a child, well actually, he's technically only eighteen within his head.  He's just a kid!  He had a fucked up life before and looks what happened!  I kind of am conflicted because I almost want to blame all this on someone else.  But it's my fault!  Mine.  No one else's.