If You Wanted Honesty (Kellic)

Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Kellin - This Is Twice Now

If anyone ever doubts that things spread like lightning at my school, all I need to do is tell them this: I’ve already heard about Oli and Vic confronting Ian in the middle of the hallway at dismissal. It’s been about five minutes since that bell rang.

Apparently, a bunch of people saw it happen, so it’s no surprise that it’s already reached me. Then again, that’s only because I overheard a couple of kids talking about it in the hallway, which was nearly empty by the time I finally got out of that damn classroom.

Vic was right. Someone did notice. That someone happened to be my eighth period teacher, Mr. Billings. He kept me after class for a few minutes, saying he suspected something deeper going on in my life than the lies I tell everyone who asks. He was pretty accurate in that aspect, but I didn’t tell him that. I tried to stay as quiet and noncommittal as possible, so my side of the conversation was basically just an overuse of “Mm-hmm”, “I don’t know”, and “Okay”. He must’ve gotten the hint sooner or later, because eventually he just said that I could talk to him if I ever had a problem. I hope he realizes how unlikely it is that I’ll actually take him up on that offer.

So now I’m the only one in the hallway, and the sound of my footsteps echoes around me as I speed-walk to the front door and the parking lot. According to the kids I overheard, after Oli punched Ian, he and Vic ran down another hallway, and Ian was the only one to follow them, so nobody knows what happened after that. By now they might both be back in their cars, Oli driving home and Vic waiting for me, but they might also still be with Ian somewhere. I guess I’ll just find Vic’s car like I normally do and wait for him if I need to.

The school is almost dead now that the students are gone. There have to be some after-school activities going on somewhere, and there are probably kids who have detention, but nobody else is out in the hall. I’m relieved when I step outside and see a couple other kids and some cars—proof that I’m not suddenly the only person here. The blue car is there as usual, and I begin to head toward it, but familiar silhouettes and a familiar feeling make me stop in my tracks. It’s like déjà vu, except I actually have experienced this before.

The silhouettes are Jaime and Vic. They’re both in the car with their eyes closed and their lips locked together. Again.

Like I said, this feeling is familiar, but it’s also a bit different. Last time it was one of shock and denial. This time, it’s more of a sad acceptance. It’s like after a close friend of yours has died and you’ve finally realized that that friend isn’t coming back and won’t ever come back; they’re gone forever. It’s devastation.

Slowly, I force my feet to start moving again. I turn to the left and cut across the parking lot to clear on the other side, where Oli’s old black car sits. It’s empty, but when I pull at the passenger door, it opens for me. I slide inside and sink into the seat, tossing my backpack to the floor.

I take a deep breath, but it comes out sounding raspy. There’s a feeling in my chest like I’m going to cry, and after a suspended moment of nothing, my breath hitches again. From there, it’s all over. I’m bawling like a fucking baby, and with every wretched convulsion, I hear a voice in my head whispering, Weak. You’re weak. Don’t you dare cry. It’s your own fault for getting too attached. You’re so fucking stupid.

What slows the tears down is the moment I realize that I’m sitting in Oli’s car, waiting for him. Maybe Vic left early during whatever they were doing with Ian, or maybe Oli had to do another thing first, but sooner or later, he’s going to be in this car, and I need to get myself under control.