If You Wanted Honesty (Kellic)

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Kellin - Ain’t It Fun

I’m frozen.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here in the empty parking lot, staring like an idiot, and I don’t care. I can’t hear anything but my heartbeat in my ears. I can’t see anything but the old blue car, and the people in it.

Vic. And Jaime. Kissing.

They haven’t noticed me, but that’s not a surprise. I wouldn’t notice me, either, if I were in the middle of a kiss like that. It’s fast and fiery, and watching them, I automatically want to be Jaime. I want Vic to do that to me.

I rub my eyes, just to verify that it’s real. Sure enough, when the darkness clears away, they’re still there.

Rain drops start to fall, slow at first but gradually speeding up. I should probably go inside, but I can’t move. Besides, that car is my ride home.

No. This isn’t happening.

The denial lasts about two seconds and is quickly replaced by anger. My hands are shaking. What the hell, Vic? What are you doing, and why with him? Wasn’t I enough?

I want to run over there and yank the car door open. I want to pull Jaime out and take his place next to Vic. I want to be Vic’s only one.

But my feet carry me in the opposite direction, until I’m leaning against the walls of the school, hiding in the shadows beneath the roof as the rain starts to pour. How fitting.

Things are blurrier back here, but I can clearly see Jaime jump out of the car and head across the lot to his own. He and Vic still haven’t noticed me, and under here I’m less visible. I could go to Vic now, I think. I could climb into his car with him and I could kiss him just as well as Jaime did. Even better. I could make him forget about everyone but me.

It’s the desperation saying all these things. It’s the burning need to convince myself that what just happened was nothing, that Vic still loves me. If he ever did.

I turn and start walking. But not towards the car. I start walking toward the exit of the parking lot, the sidewalk that will eventually lead me home. I don’t care that I’m getting soaked. Vic is going to drive alone today.

I’m still in shock, and the rain distracts me. I try not to think about anything.

At about the halfway point, my phone rings. I take shelter underneath an overhanging tree and glance at the screen. Vic.

I take the call and put the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”

"Kellin."

Somehow, hearing his voice makes everything come rushing back. Involuntarily, I take one of those deep breaths you get right before you burst into tears. I force them back.

"Kellin? You okay?"

"Yeah," I reply. "I’m fine. Why?"

"Because I don’t know where the hell you are." He actually sounds worried. "I thought maybe you had to stay after school for something."

"Oh. No. I decided to walk home today and forgot to tell you. Sorry." I tack the apology on at the end, though I’m not sure why I need it.

"Today? But it’s pouring outside."

"I know. I just wanted the alone time. It’s nothing personal. Today was just…a bad day." Well, at least the last part was the truth.

Vic starts to say something but shuts himself up. He does that a lot, though he’s never done it with me before. He’s always told me exactly what’s on his mind. “Okay,” he says finally. “I’ll talk to you later, then.”