Divergent » Uriah {1}

Chapter 4

The next morning, I'm not hungry so I go to the chasm. I try to keep the horrible memory out of my mind. The memory of my two best friends. One was Divergent. He killed himself in this chasm. My other friend, died in initiation. Died the same way that girls sister did. Missed the roof.

"Jay?" Someone asks.

I turn around to see Uriah and turn back to the Chasm. I rest my arms on the wet railings and Uriah does the same.

"Shouldn't you be at breakfast?" Uriah asks.

"I could ask you the same thing." I reply.

"Why are you here?"

I shrug. "Just.....thinking."

"About Adam?"

I nod and look down at the water splashing against the rocks below.

"Jay, we all miss him." Uriah says.

"No one misses him more then me," I say quietly. "That was the day he gave me the promise ring. I just don't understand why he would....." I hold back my tears and sigh.

"Nobody really knows."

"Whatever. It's done, I can't do anything about it." I stand straight and turn to leave.

"Move on." Uriah says.

I turn back. "What?"

"Adam would want you to move on. That's what you can do about it." He explains.

I nod slightly and keep walking. Move on. I did move on. I hardened my heart, to make sure I would never get hurt again. I havent cried in two years. Sure tears well up but they never fall.

I dont even know where I'm walking until I bump into Peter. An initiate.

"Well, well, well. Miss Jay." He says seductively

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Move."

"Nah, nah, I wanna talk to you. I didn't like the way you talked to me last night." Peter explains.

"And I don't like the way your talking to me now," I say in a threatening tone. "You have no right to speak to me like that. I am a trained Dauntless, and I can snap your neck with one hand. So move out of my way, so I can go to the training room."

Peter steps to the side and I walk past him. But I'm not going to the training room. I'm going to my see my fears.

I inject the syrum in my neck and barely feel it. I toss the needle when I'm done and close my eyes. I have to prepare myself this time.

"Its your fault." A deep voice says.

I open my eyes to see Adam.

"The fight we had made me wanna jump." He says angrily.

"We fought before the promise ring. You said you forgave me!" I yelled.

"I lied."

I sighed and closed my eyes. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Manipulate it. He's not real. I open my eyes just as Adam grabs my shoulders.

"Its all your fault!" He pushes me down and I resist as hard as I can not to cry.

"Jay?!" I turn around to see Tobias run in. He sits beside me and pulls me into his arms. "What we're you thinking?!"

"I wanted to face my only fear," I reply quietly. "But I can't. It's all my fault."

"His death was not your fault. Believe me, it wasn't." Tobias says.

I just nod, not really believing him and let his warmth wash over me.