Retrograde | ZS

Amnesia

"This is my favorite beach full of past memories." Harry says, opening his arms wide to present the scenery behind him, "Well, it's just rocks but when you follow this short path it takes you to─"

"A waterfall. I know." Zayn breaths out, "It's my favorite beach too. Lots of stories to tell about this place." Zayn's eyes are caught up with the sight of the brown and red dusty rocks, barely noticing that Harry's already intertwined their hands together and they're walking through the rock's arch already.

Zayn takes the lead in climbing the three foot cliff-like rock and kneels down to allow his hand to reach for Harry's. The two descend off into the distance of the path, where the sounds of the water pattering against the stone rocks are already trembling.

It's like the most magical place on earth. Physically and mentally. The view is absolutely extraordinary, and the memories are in tact as it just feels like a good place to get away from anything, everything.

"Aw, here it is." Harry sighs in content, entering the cave. Zayn wants to make this a happy memory with Harry right now, but he hasn't been here since he lost Harry so there's too much negativity clouding his mind when he should just be enthralled.

Zayn watches the way Harry takes sauntering steps to the edge, his head peering over it, Zayn cautiously wrapping his arms around Harry from behind. "You like it here?" Zayn asks, his palms pressing against the revealing skin, Harry's hips.

"Can I tell you a story?" Harry whispers, reaching out of Zayn's grip to sit down. Zayn leans down as well, sitting next to Harry to the point where their legs touch. "Tell me."

With a deep breath, and Zayn's hand inching towards Harry's, the two listen to the sounds of the waterfall and Harry's story, "I was thirteen. I'm sure I was alone. I'm certain though, that I leaned forward. On purpose."

Zayn's breath hitches in his throat, after all of these assumptions and ideas created in his mind on what happened to Harry, he has the evidence from the person itself. But once again, this was six years ago and Harry does have amnesia, so it's possible his thought about this situation is blurry.

"What else do you remember?"

"They didn't like me. People said things to me. I didn't jump, but let myself fall. Wanted to feel it. The waves and how I could be so lightweight drifting down before my body could hit the surface. I made it though, not the way I wanted. I'm here now, so it's a second chance you know?" Harry mentions with a shaky smile, Zayn can feel his grip tightening so he pecks Harry's fingers.

"I have something to tell you." Zayn whispers, now afraid to avert his eyes to Harry because if he does, he'll probably cry relentlessly and not know how to contain it in his system. The nod from Harry assures Zayn that he'll proceed his confession.

"I know you Harry. I know about the amnesia. And I was here. On this waterfall during your accident. You were in the water with the blink of an eye. I climbed off the rocks to get to you and when I did, I put you on the sand and called the police. I left after." It's a silent tension, at least now, the weight is off Zayn's hands.

Harry shoves Zayn's hands away, now standing up so Harry has to raise his head and find his eyes in the disadvantaging view, Harry speaks with a tone of disbelief by now, "Wait, you honestly knew all along that I have this pathetic amnesia thing going on?"

"We've dated before. We were in love. We still are." Zayn whispers, hoping to assure Harry that his words are enough. He's apologetic, in exchange to be forgiven.

"How could you not tell me this? It's something insanely huge. You, you didn't at least try to explain yourself when we met?" Harry crosses his arms and for the first time, Zayn actually sees his anger fueling out of his system. Harry is rarely ever upset, the past and now. He's never been so upset.

"I didn't bring up the past because you're much of a stronger more independent person without me." What other words or explanations can Zayn present, there's not much that run through his mind when he practically sees rejection right in front of his eyes.

He knows, he knows he lost the second chance he's gotten, he knows he lost Harry from his life once again. There's no one to blame, maybe just Zayn. Because if he knew Harry meant to end himself right there those six years ago, he shouldn't of taken Harry to a waterfall with a high cliff. Or should of had full protection over Harry, knew when his boyfriend was upset or being verbally harassed. He never read Harry the right away.

"I hate you." Harry retorts, the last few words that echoes in Zayn's mind before he feels two palms shoving him roughly. So rough, enough to feel his weight lifted and off the platform. So rough, that his body pools within cold water beneath him. So rough, that maybe everything just goes pitch black as the shivering coldness of water swallows him in.

─

The beeping of what seems a hospital machine, silent footsteps as if they're nervous to take another procedure in their motions. As for Zayn, his eyes flutter open in a different perspective. Blue and white, all of plain scatter the room. When Zayn moves his hand to rub the sleep from his eyes, an alarming gasp tenses him.

Zayn sees Harry.

Though, this Harry is different from what he's been use to, this is the Harry from when Zayn was in eight grade and Harry was in seventh. Surely Zayn is dead now considering he's imagining the happiest times of his life, when he and Harry were kids in love.

"You're awake!" Harry shouts, racing over to his boyfriend─ perhaps we don't know at the moment. A smile appears on Zayn's lips, though a bit shaky since he's lost for words and lost on what's occurring at the moment, "Why are you wearing a gown?"

Zayn fixates his eyes to Harry walking in white slippers and the hospital gown that resembles to his own. Harry chuckles, not giving Zayn an answer just yet, only pressing his lips to Zayn's forehead. "I slipped into the waterfall remember? You saved me, but the blood from my wound was too much that you passed out too, carried me and fell, hitting your head on a rock."

"Wait? You don't have retrograde amnesia?" Zayn questions with a flustered face by now. He leans forward to position himself in a firm stance, eyes completely intense on Harry's.

"No, sweetheart. Where'd you get that silly thing from? You sure it isn't you who has this amnesia thing? If you have to remember, you just graduated and took me to the beach we always go to. It was our first time at the waterfall side though and I slipped on one of those mossy rocks and fell. You're my hero, but I'm afraid you've gone loop." Harry presses his palm to Zayn's cheek, a small kiss with comfort and attachment.

"Sit here. I want to tell you a story." Zayn scoots more towards the left, all familiar that the right is Harry's side. When they're sharing the same sheets and warmth from each other's skin, Zayn begins to tell the dramatic tale of what he dreamed of.

─

so if you didn't understand the book...
well too bad. now it's pretty much complete! though i want to keep writing so it'll be zarrys life in the perspective as teens before everything that apparently happened now

the second half of this whole part would be considered as the second half of the book, almost like a sequel but i prefer it to connect with the original part of the book.

it's been planned since the beginning, harrys amnesia trauma, so nothing is out of nowhere, except for now, how I actually want to continue with zarry living high school lives

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