If You Wanted Honesty (Kellic)

Chapter 8

I manage to stay relatively calm throughout my last two periods—if silently plotting all the ways I can murder Ian counts as calm—but as soon as that dismissal bell rings, the only thing I can think about is reaching my locker. That isn’t too hard, considering it’s literally about twenty feet from my last class, which is probably why Oli picked it as a meeting place. Within seconds, he pops up behind me. “Okay, Vic. How pissed are you?”

As my mind focuses on what we’re doing and why, I remember what Kellin looked like the last time I saw him. Burned out. Pretending to be okay. Beaten, literally and metaphorically. The fact that he accepts it without question, the fact that he’s been reduced to that, is what causes my hands and voice to shake.

"I feel like I’m going to explode," I say.

Oli nods, and even though he isn’t as openly angry as I am, I can tell that beneath the surface, he wants to kill Ian just as badly as I do. “Okay. Let’s go find the bastard.”

That doesn’t take long. He and his friends are loudly heading for the main entrance of the school. His arm is around Mandy, and he’s laughing at a joke that’s probably stupid. “How are we gonna get him away from his friends?” I ask Oli quietly as we follow them.

Oli shrugs. “Easy. We piss him off.”

They’re almost at the front doors, which isn’t good; that’s where everyone else is. People will see. “We need a distraction,” I say.

"Coming right up." Before I have time to wonder what he’s doing, Oli picks up his pace and calls, "You fucking son of a bitch!"

The whole group spins around at that. Ian steps forward, the smile completely gone. He’s already a full-time loose cannon with anger management issues, and you especially wouldn’t want to mess with him on a day like today. Oli is balancing on a very thin line, and as he bluntly punches Ian in the face, it snaps right in half.

He darts out of the way as soon as his fist makes impact, turning into the hallway to my right, and I follow him. Behind me, Ian shouts, “You’ll pay for that, you fuckers!” I hear his footsteps behind me, pounding almost as hard and fast as my heart.

Despite my better judgement, I can’t help but feel absolutely certain that I’m going to die. There aren’t many people in this wing, which means we don’t have to worry about crashing into anyone. Right as I’m starting to get used to this panicked adrenaline rush, Oli skids to a stop in front of me. It’s only for a split second, though, because then he pulls a door open that I didn’t notice before.

We stumble outside breathlessly, and I take this moment to figure out exactly where we are. That door must’ve been a side door that nobody uses. There are a few trees shading us and walls that stick out slightly farther than the others to create corners. And there are no other people around.

Ian kicks the door open behind us, but Oli’s prepared. He grabs Ian’s arms and spins him around so his back is to the wall, using his own momentum against him.

"This is what happens," he pants, "when you fuck with us."

Ian pushes him back, and Oli loses his grip on his arms. I step in and grab Ian before he can get away, but my hold on him isn’t as solid. Oli quickly recovers and punches him again. This time I can see the true extent of his anger. It’s there in the expression on his face, in his fists clenched tightly, in the way he yells as he lets Ian have it. He’s fucking mad.

Ian kicks out at me and ducks his head to avoid Oli’s strikes. The fear I felt in the hallway is subsiding and slowly replacing itself with that familiar rage. Again, my hands start to shake, making it increasingly difficult to keep holding on to Ian’s arms. At this point, anything could trigger me, and Oli’s already flown off the handle. This means that Ian must be a special kind of stupid, because he taunts, “Come on, guys, is that all you got?”

Or maybe he isn’t stupid. Maybe he just likes the conflict. Either way, he’s definitely getting it.

I yank his arms down, causing Oli’s next punch to miss by a few inches. His head is bent forward for a short time, so I swing my heavy backpack around and hit him with it. It stuns him for a few seconds, so Oli kicks him a couple times while he’s out of it.

"Fuck you!" I scream. "What the hell happened? You cared about Kellin! You wouldn’t have let anything bad touch him, and now you’re the bad thing!"

"That was…before," Ian rasps, pulling himself up and preparing to fight us back. Oli pushes him against the wall again, and I help to hold him there. With his brute strength, it takes both of us to keep him in one place.

"Before," Oli repeats. "Before what? Before you turned into a cunt who spends his days making an innocent guy feel miserable for something I’m pretty sure didn’t even happen?"

"You didn’t know him, Oliver!" Ian snaps. "You barely knew he existed back then. How do you know he didn’t do anything?"

"Okay, well, I knew him,” I interrupt. “I’ve known him since before I could talk. I still care about him, more than you ever did.” When I say that, Oli’s eyes widen in recognition—I’ll have to ask him about it later. “That’s why we’re doing this. That’s why we’re here. You’ve been getting away with hurting him for far too fucking long. Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know what you’ve done to him? He’s fucked up because of you! He’s fucked up and it’s your fault. Your fault!”

At this point I realize that I’m not only talking to Ian; I’m also talking to Kellin’s father, though he doesn’t know it. These are the words I’ve always wanted to scream in his face.

As quickly as it came, my anger begins to die down. Oli meets my eyes, and I take a step back. He nods, so I turn and run.

Rounding a corner, I see the blue car sitting in the parking lot and the faint shape of someone waiting inside. At first I assume it’s Kellin, but as I get closer I notice some differences. Climbing inside, I confirm my suspicions: Jaime. For the third time this week, he is the one sitting in that passenger seat, where my boyfriend should be.

"You look…troubled," he says.

I brush my hair away from my face and try not to look at him. “Yeah. Guess so.”

I close my eyes and stare down at my hands. Now that I’m thinking a bit more clearly, I wonder if what Oli and I just did changed anything at all. I mean, yeah, we beat Ian up a little bit…but for what? What did that do for us? He could just get back up and keep doing what he’s been doing. He won’t tell an adult about it—he’s too proud to act like the victim. He’ll probably just pretend the whole thing never even happened.

"Hey, Vic," Jaime says. "Are you going to that thing at the mini-golf course tonight? Where everything is free?"

I tap my fingers on the steering wheel. “Maybe. With Kellin, probably.”

He nods. “Might see you there, then. I’m going with some other people.”

What I’ve noticed about Jaime is that he’s one of those people who gets along with everyone, and everyone gets along with him. He’s a charismatic guy and has proven himself as one of the only people who can be friends with me and still get treated, at the least, like a decent human being. There must be some other group of kids going to the mini-golf course that he decided to tag along with for tonight. It’s so strange to me that he’s just accepted as a kind of drifter, but I guess since he hasn’t really established a place for himself, he gets to go everywhere.

"Well, whatever’s bothering you," Jaime says, "I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about it, do you?"

I shake my head. “No. I need a…a distraction. Again.” I finally look up at him, hoping he’ll figure out that today, I do want him to do what he did last time. I know I’ll regret it later, but right now I don’t care. I want to lose myself in someone else, and at the moment I don’t think I can even get that pleasure from Kellin. He’s the reason all this happened, and that fake smile and bruised skin will probably just remind me of it.

Jaime does understand. He leans forward and kisses me, a bit softer than I’m used to. Instinct tells me to push away, and I almost want to. I almost want to go find Kellin and pretend that I’m not doing this. Instead I grab Jaime’s hand and let go of everything else. Once again, it’s nothing but him. I have no problems or worries. The world outside of this car might as well not exist at all. With most of my thoughts chased away, I am only partially aware that the promise I made just last night has been thrown out the window.