Made To Be Broken

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

“I'll go.” You asked for a crystal clear sign – maybe this is it.

.......................

Mason wasn't certain if he was surprised or not that Noble attended the meeting with Jack Hayden. On one hand, he hadn't honestly expected his brief interaction with Jonah to cause an instant change of heart in the boy. He had a lifetime of issues to deal with, as he'd told Jonah, and they were intricately woven through his heart, mind and spirit. And they had to be unraveled carefully, rather than simply ripped out. So even though Mason was positive the boy was going through a battle inside, struggling to figure out his feelings for Jonah and about himself, it was really no shock when he entered the church with Rebecca.

The young woman held Noble's hand as they walked down the aisle together. Mason gazed at the two and had a surge of uncertainty as to whether or not he was doing the right thing in lending aid to Jonah. Was there a chance that Rebecca and Noble were truly meant to be together?

The question was vanquished as soon as they approached the front of the sanctuary and Mason looked in Noble's face. The young man hadn't been coerced to come here, but whether even he knew it or not at the moment – this wasn't where he wanted to be. There was a distress in his eyes that hadn't been there earlier and Mason glanced discreetly at Rebecca, unable to quell the thought – What did you do? What did you say to him? Noble looked as if his heart had been clamped in a vice and slowly crushed...like he'd just lost his best friend...or his greatest love.

.......................

However Noble had envisioned Jack Hayden, he had been wrong. The man was pleasant, with a warm smile and kind eyes that assured Noble – without a word being spoken – that he understood what he was going through, and he was there to help.

The man was tall, decently handsome and nicely dressed, his dark hair cut fashionably short. He held out his hand to Noble. “It's good to meet you, Noble.”

Shaking his hand, Noble couldn't prevent his anxiety from showing through. “It's...nice to meet you too, Mr. Hayden.”

“Please.” Jack chuckled and squeezed Noble's hand affectionately then released him. “Call me Jack.” They were in the pastor's office, and Jack motioned him to sit in one of the cushioned chairs before the pastor's desk. Noble didn't know if he felt more at ease – or uptight – about being alone with the man. A part of him wanted the others in there with them, but another part of him felt more relaxed, as if maybe he wouldn't be scrutinized for every little word he said. “I wanted to talk to you alone first,” Jack said, resting on the edge of the desk, “before I had the others join us.”

Noble nodded silently.

“I've been where you are, Noble.” he said gently, “And I understand how...nerve racking it can be to feel as if all eyes are on you and every word you speak is being analyzed to death, even criticized.” he sighed. “I won't pretend that this is going to be easy. I will have to ask you some questions that you may not want to answer, especially in front of your fiancee and family. But one of the most important things you can do...is be honest – with yourself and your loved ones. When you start trying to hide things...that's when you begin treading on dangerous ground – spiritually.” He looked at Noble intently. “Are you ready to do that...be completely honest?”

What questions would he ask? Was he ready to be that honest about...everything? Would there be questions about Jonah? Would he have to say – exactly – what they had done together?

“Noble?” Jack spoke low. “You won't get better until you're willing to be one hundred percent honest.”

One hundred percent honest. Noble glanced at Hayden. Are you one hundred percent honest, at all times, with your wife and kids? Do you ever have setbacks that you don't admit to? Was he really healed...or just a hell of a good actor?

“Yes.” Noble whispered. “I'm ready.” But was he really? Did he even want this? Yes, you do. If there's any chance you can be healed – then that's what you want, what you've always wanted. Noble stared at his hands anxiously. “If I don't get healed,” he trembled. “Do you think I will...go to hell?”

“Don't concern yourself with such things, Noble.” Jack said. “You will be healed. The bible tells us - if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my father which is in heaven, for where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” he reached out and squeezed Noble's shoulder with assurance. “You have enough people who care for you, who are agreeing in prayer that you will be healed. It is still a process, but it will be a successful one if you listen to God's word and have faith in those who love you.”

Those who love you. Unbidden, Jonah's face rose up behind his eyes. Who wouldn't love you? The man's voice, his words, pushed into Noble's mind though he struggled to keep them out. After all that Rebecca had told him about Jonah, and what he'd done to her – could he even trust anything the man told him? Was he just a conquest to Jonah? Making him believe he cared...to get him to drop his guard? But if so, why would Mason...help Jonah trick him? Despite what he did or didn't know about Jonah – Noble did know what kind of man Mason was. That piece of the puzzle just didn't fit.

“If you're ready to begin, I can have the others come in now.” Jack said, then left the office when Noble nodded.

Leaning forward, he stared at his hands then ran them up over his head and clasp his fingers behind his neck. Please don't do it because you think God hates you the way you are. God loves you...Who wouldn't love you?...You're perfect.

Tears burned and Noble squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to dispel the thought that he would rather be with Jonah right now...than here – trying to fix what somehow no longer felt broken.

.......................

He was doing his level best to follow his dad's advice and not do anything rash. But leaving the diner earlier that morning – without Noble in tow – had taken a sheer force of will. And to be that close to kissing him full on...to feel those much coveted lips grazing his own...it had made it so difficult to think with a clear mind. He'd had to leave when he did, or else he might have taken Noble right then and there. And Jonah was fairly sure that would have fallen deep into the rash territory that his dad suggested he stay out of.

Even now, every second was a battle not to rush to the man, snatch him up and run away with him. He had felt Noble's desire to fall into him this morning, the guy had been nearly trembling with anticipation, craving Jonah's kiss, his touch.

Are you sure he really wanted it as much as you wanted him to want it?

Jonah sat on his front steps, hands clasp as he leaned forward on his knees. “Yeah.” he murmured. “Damn sure.”