breathe

4 • smile

[trigger warning: self harm]

•.•.•.•

Previously:

Dallon

"We just need to get Tyler and Brendon together with us and talk."

•.•.•.• 

Brendon

"Again."

I sat in the shower, shaking. My transparent tears were cascading down my cheeks. I obeyed the voice, however, taking the small piece of rusting metal and watched it get engulfed by a wave of crimson. I watched the liquid leak down my forearm continuously, creating a steady pattern of 'drip. drip. drip.'

I admired the small dots and small sting that occurred as soon as I washed the crimson off. My heavy, desperate sobs drowned out after I had stared at my wrist for long enough.

"Again."

I didn't hesitate at all this time, I went even deeper this time. I had been in the bathroom for around 15 minutes like this, I was starting to get used to the salty tears and the metallic smell of blood every night.

"Do it again."

I obeyed immediately, humming random, small melodies to myself. 10 minutes later, cuts littered my scarring forearm, ranging from all directions. The previous cuts from many other nights were still healing, but I had reopened most of them.

"Bren? I'm home!" Dallon's voice startled me.

"Great. Clean yourself up, fool. We will continue this later."  The voice echoed in my head.

I quickly rinsed my arm, applying pressure to it, as the voice had taught me to before. I put one of Dallon's sweaters on, he always had them laying around in the bathroom for some odd reason. I made sure the sleeves were long enough to reach my thumbs, put on boxers and hid the small blade. I opened the bathroom door, and was greeted with a smiling Dallon.

"There you are!" He chuckled, pulling me in for a hug, "I missed you so much."

I smiled, "I love you."

His eyes lit up, "no homo," he chuckled.

I grinned, taking in his beautiful figure, his soft, brown hair, his warm smile. I got lost in his eyes for a moment. Before it came back.

"You will never be like him,"  I don't want to be like him, I want him. "You will never be good enough for him. He'll never want you,"  the harsh voice growled.

I flinched at the words, Dallon's eyes darkened. "Hey, Bren? I have something to show you. Follow me?" I was shocked, I honestly thought he was going to question me. I thought he caught onto what was happening.

"O- oh, of course." I forced a smile.

He took my hand, leading me upstairs, which was where our room was. Yes, we shared a room and a bed as best friends. Nothing more. Just best friends.

Until he closed the door behind him and grabbed my face, pulling me into him. He smashed his lips into mine with fiery passion, I kissed back, obviously. I put my arms around him, pulling in closer, leaving no space between us. He smiled into the kiss, I gazed at his ocean-blue eyes.

Dallon pulled away to breathe, his eyes widened when he realised what he has just done. "I- I.. sorry?" His cheeks turned to a light shade of red. I grinned, "there's nothing to be sorry about," I replied.

He opened his mouth to speak, so I took the opportunity to kiss him again. This kiss was far more gentle, like a lotus floating peacefully in a pond. It was a butterfly landing on a dog's nose, or a ladybug crawling on a flower petal. The kiss made me feel so alive, yet so calm and collected.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted that to happen," Dallon whispered, after pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine. I smiled, "I've wanted this since I was 15."

He was beaming, "So, did you like what I wanted to show you?"

"I absolutely loved it," I replied, not taking my eyes off of him for even a second.

"I'm glad," the brunet picked me up, tipping me upside down and ran to where our television was.

"Can we watch something and cuddle for... forever?" I asked, as he gently lay me on the couch.

"Of course."

  •.•.•.•  

Throughout the whole movie, Dallon didn't take his eyes off of me for a split second. Usually, I'd find this adorable, but this time it wasn't because he was 'admiring me' as he would call it when I caught him many nights. Rather, it seemed as though he was worried.

I turned to him, "is there something bothering you, Dally?" I asked.

"You. Of course there's something bothering him, it's obviously you. Who else is a bother?" The voice rang out. My smile faltered, but I managed to hold it.

"I- I'm just worried about you.." Dallon replied quietly, tugging at his hair roughly.

"Why? There's nothing wrong?" I assured him.

"No, Bren, I know. Tomorrow we're going over to Josh's house." My heart dropped. He knew? How in the world did he find out? My breathing quickened, I wiped sweat forming on my forehead, nodding as a reply to Dallon. I couldn't form words, let alone sentences right now.

After a few minutes, I recollected myself, "W-what do you know?" I stuttered out, hoping and praying that he didn't know about what I did when he wasn't home.

"The demon.. or voice you keep hearing." He cleared his throat. I breathed a sigh of relief, he didn't know- thank goodness. But how did he know about the voice? Could he hear it too?

"How did you-"

"--I'll explain tomorrow." Dallon answered quickly, "I- it's getting late, we should sleep, does that sound good to you?"

"Anything involving you sounds like heaven."

"Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that? Why would you say that?" The voice chanted.

Dallon smiled, carrying me up to our bed, he placed me on the bed and turned around to take his shirt off. He gave me a questioning look, staring at me weirdly for still being fully clothed. I shrugged, getting comfortable in bed, waiting for his warm arms to wrap around me and pull me into his safe embrace.

Minutes passed, we both fell into a comfortable slumber. But that didn't last for long, the voice returned shortly to wake me up.

"I said we'd continue later, didn't I?"

•.•.•.•

A/N:

Is it bad¿
Idk how many errors there are it's almost 2:30 in the morning gn I'll fix it tomorrow
Stay alive

Song- smile by sheppard

? I'M TIRED SORRY

E D I T E D