Faking It || l.r.h

42. Confusion

I woke up the next day and did my usual morning routine that included making sure his clothes were ironed and that he had his breakfast and the morning paper.

Once I was done with him, I began to get ready for school. I showered and washed my hair and brushed my teeth afterwards. I went into my room and sat at my vanity to blow dry my hair and after it was dry, I braided it 'cause I didn't feel like straightening it today. I got dressed and put makeup on my face to hide the scar on my cheek. I made sure I was completely ready before grabbing my things and heading downstairs. Luckily for me, my dad left so I didn't have to worry about Ashton coming to get me while he was here.

I stayed on the living room couch until I got the text that he was here. I went out to his car and he greeted me with a smile.

"Good morning, princess." He said, kissing my cheek when I got in.

"Good morning yourself." I smiled.

"Did something happen yesterday that made you leave?" He asked as he backed out of the driveway.

"No," I shook my head, "our teacher didn't show up so we went to lunch and I didn't feel like finishing the day." It wasn't a complete lie, but I couldn't exactly tell him everything 'cause I'm still trying to sort a few things out.

"As long as you're okay." He nodded.

He took my hand as he continued to drive, intertwining our fingers. I smiled to myself as I looked out the window. His simple statement shows me he cares. Maybe it was just common courtesy but I'm hoping he does care and that all of my doubts yesterday were from all the stress I was under. I don't want things to end between us so soon. We're just starting and I want to see where we'll end up.

We got to school and headed in after parking. We were holding hands and silent while walking through the halls.

I didn't know what to say, really. With Luke, there weren't lulls in our conversations, just awkward tension but you know why I'd be a little awkward around him. We would talk about any and everything and never get bored. With Ashton, I really don't know what to say. We can have a normal conversation from time to time and then we both fall silent, unsure of what to say next. I don't want to give up so early but if we can't communicate, what's the point in staying together?

Am I really trying or am I just looking for excuses to break up with him. I've wanted to be with him for so long and now that I have him, I'm not sure if we should stay together. If I didn't have feelings for Luke I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be thinking all of these things now. I think all this means is I have to try extra hard and stop searching for reasons to end it all.

I glanced up at him every now and then but he wasn't looking back at me or straight down the hall. Instead, he was looking everywhere else; more specifically, at other girls. And then I looked at the girls he was looking at and they'd smile or wink at him. The fact that he was looking at other people while he was with me hurt my heart and made me angry at the same time.

"You know what?" I spoke up, pulling my hand from his grasp. "There's quite a bit of time before class starts and I've got some stuff to do. I'll see you later, okay?" I needed to get away from him before I say or do something that I'll regret later.

"Okay then, I'll see you later." He nodded. He leaned down to kiss me but I quickly walked off, hoping he'd take the hint that I wasn't happy. What kind of guy smiles at other girls while he's with his girlfriend?

That makes me really question his character. He says he really likes me so it should only be me that he's smiling at. I don't want to sound selfish or clingy but I think I can right now given the situation.