Scarred

Chapter 1

The sound of a gun shot jolts me out of bed. It sounded close. Too close.

I crawl out of bed shaking, crying out for my mum. She doesn't answer.

I run across from my bedroom to hers. Her bed is empty.

I keep calling her name, hoping for a response.   

~

"Alex?! Alex wake up you're having a nightmare! Please wake up!"  

I jolt up and wake up to the sound of my brother's pleading voice. He holds me and I'm crying and shaking. I can't breathe.   

"Alex you kept screaming for your mum." He calmly tells me while holding me. I pull myself towards him, resting my head on his shoulder. His clothes reek of cigarette smoke.

It reminds me of her.

He stares at me and gently wipes the tears streaming down my face.   

"Zayn, what time is it?" I asked still scarred from the memory of my mum.  

"Two in the morning love."  He wraps me in his arms again, promising me he'll always be there for me in a soft tone.   

"Can we drive around I need fresh air? Please." He nods his head and grabs the keys from the counter. I follow him in the dark in the warm summer night. The wind is blowing gently and every star is visible in the sky. As soon as he starts the car I roll down the window. As he pulls out of the driveway I turn on the radio to listen to the CD I made for him.   

I slightly stick my head out the window along with one arm. I close my eyes and listen to the soothing voice of John Lennon. I reminds me of a time when I was happy. The breeze runs through my hair and I forget about my nightmare of my mum. I stare at Zayn with sleepy eyes and smile. 

"Are you feeling better?" He asks me with his thick accent. I nod my head and listen to the words of the legendary John Lennon and sing along.   

"Imagine all the people, living life in peace..."   

I look back over at Zayn. I'm grateful he is always there for me. In actuality he is my half-brother, but I feel like that title doesn't suit out relationship as siblings enough. He is the only family member I have left that I can trust.

His hand reaches for the volume on the radio and turns the music down. I give him a disapproving look.   

"Alex, we need to talk about your night terrors." He speaks calmly. 

 I avoid eye contact with him and look away. I don't want to speak about my mother. It only causes more pain. I can feel tears starting to form. I hate having to describe the memory of what I saw when I was just sixteen.

"Zayn you know I can't talk about it," I choke on my words. Talking about her is such a sensitive topic.   

"Whenever you're ready Alex I want to talk about it. I can't see you like that anymore. I'm scared for you. I don't want you to be in pain." He glances over at my wrist and then returns to the road in front of him.   

He frowns and I know I've disappointed him. I stare at the mixture of cuts and scars running along my arm. I want to stop but I can't.    

I can't stop for anyone, not even myself.

But I can't tell my brother that. I would hate to see him even more disappointed.   

"You promised you would try Alex." I look over at him and see the hurt in his eyes. I whisper that I can't stop, but he ignores me.   

I lay my head on the edge of the open window once more and let the breeze run through my hair.As Zayn pulls back into the driveway of my our house I turn the volume back up and listen to the final words of the song. 

 "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."   

I listen as Zayn hums the rest of the song as we walk barefoot on the pavement.  I decide to lay back down on the couch instead of going to my room. I watch as Zayn grabs a blanket and pillow and sits on the floor. I look at him with confusion.   

"Why aren't you going back to bed?" I asked.   

"In case you start screaming or decide to you know..do something to yourself." He whispers the last part. Zayn never trusts me, but I gave him a good reason not to. I lean down and hug him. He smiles a timid smile and says goodnight. I feel safer with him around, and I peacefully drift off to sleep.   

I am awaken by the sound of my phone vibrating. The light shining through the window is blinding and groan as I look for my phone.

"What?" I mumble after picking up my phone..

"Alex! Did you just wake up? You idiot it's five in the afternoon!" Did I actually sleep that long? I here noise in the kitchen. "You better be going to the party!?" Christina barks at me with her thick Irish accent.

"Party? What party? You know I'm never invited to anything." I snap at her.

"Oh, I guess Zayn didn't tell you! I'll see you there! Wear something cute okay!" She says too excitedly.

I hang up the phone and go into the kitchen. Zayn is standing over the oven, making us breakfast. 

"Are you an idiot? It's time for dinner not breakfast." I yell at him.

He just shrugs his shoulder and lights a cigarette. He grabs two plates and serves us "breakfast".

"What's this party that you failed to tell me about?" He just smiles while holding the cigarette in between his teeth. I am becoming more and more frustrated with him. 

"My friend invited me to a party, and I am bringing you with me and that's final." He smirks and blows smoke into my face. I give him a disgusted look, but I know there's no use in fighting with him. He is too clever.

I watch as he places his cigarette in the ash tray next to him and begins eating. We sit in silence and I am too pissed to even look at him. He knows I'm crap at making friends and talking to people.

"Don't be pissed at me," he says with his mouth full, responding to my thoughts. "Alex, you have to get out of the house, meet some people. I am not doing this to torture you. Every decision I make for you is supposed to be for the best." I roll my eyes because I know he is right.

"Go get ready, I'll clean up love." He calmly says. I can never stay mad at him.