The Side You Don't See (Yaoi Boyxboy)

22

My tears were silent, but they weren't tears of sadness for myself anymore. They were guilty. Hurt. Sympathetic. Frustrated...Kizumi was still crying, not letting me touch him at all. I could only speak in hopes he would listen. Not just hear my words, but really listen to me.

"Kizumi...why would you let something like this get to you?" I asked him. "So what if he makes me laugh? So what if he's outgoing? Yuji isn't the one I fell in love with. You are."

"But he's so much better than I am. I can't have conversations with you like he does. I can't do anything the way he does." He argued, wiping at his tears. He still faced away from me.

"You don't have to be like him, Kizumi. You shouldn't even feel a tiny bit less able than him. You and him are just two different kinds of people. Besides..." I moved around him to see his face more as I spoke. "I like the way you are. I like our small conversations. I like that you'd rather just look at me than think we constantly have to do things to have fun...just being around each other is good enough for both of us, you know?" I tried to convince him, but he continued to look at the floor.

"It's not only that..." He sniffed a little. "I already said this but...he was always doing things. Things that obviously nobody noticed. Not even you noticed...or maybe you did but chose not to do anything about it." He bit his lip.

"You think Yuji was after me?" I suggested.

"He always found a way to make it seem that way. He never left me a spot next to you, he always stood much closer than he needed to be...and all the times he looked at me as if he were waiting for me to do something about it. It always seemed to me like he wanted me to pick a fight with him or...I don't know." He groaned in frustration.

"Yuji told me that he wasn't trying to take me from you...and he apologized." I added. Kizumi didn't seem fazed by it though. He just looked sad. "...and he also promised me that he'd back off so you didn't feel like he was trying to take me." I remembered. I thought maybe that would bring some sort of reaction, but he continued to avoid my eyes and just shook his head. I felt my heart starting to turn from shatters into dust as he did.

"Shirou..." He sighed and looked up at me. I felt my throat knot to the point that I couldn't really breathe. Was this it then? Is this where our end was?

"I...can we...at least still..." I started to cry. "You aren't going to just...just pretend I don't exist, right? I mean...we'll still be friends?" I choked so much I wasn't sure he caught it all. Then, in the middle of my flowing tears and inability to speak, Kizumi slammed his lips down against mine. I hadn't even seen him move from his spot in front of me...but I could certainly feel his lips against mine now. I could also feel his hands making their way up my shirt.

I had no clue what was really going on. I thought he was done with everything, and that was why he was shaking his head...but now he was running his hands all over me? Was this our goodbye kiss? Could I really accept that? He pulled me with him to his room, shutting the door behind him even though nobody was home. His lips were on mine again, this time carefully, passionately. His hands smoothly pulled my shirt over my head and I looked him in the eyes as he tossed it aside. I was looking for a sad expression...guilt, maybe. Instead, he simply leaned down and kissed my forehead, then my cheek and finally whispered into my ear,

"I'm sorry."

"Kizumi." I bit my lip a little. I felt confused. Was this not goodbye, then?

"I'm not letting go of you." He answered my silent question. "I still want you...I'll always want you." He sighed at himself and I smiled a little. That was more like him. I pushed myself up from the bed where he'd pushed me down and kissed him once before saying,

"No more holding your feelings in...I don't want there to be a goodbye one day because of it." I said to him seriously. He stared at me and then took my face in his hands carefully.

"I promise...no goodbyes." He kissed me again and I smiled at him. "...and no more Yuji..." He muttered.

"Well...Kizumi, he's still going to be around, you know." I said.

"I know." He stated, stopping his hands from moving to my jeans.

"I promise you that things won't be the same anymore though, okay? I told you earlier...Yuji promised he would back off."

"He better." Kizumi's fingers popped open the button on my pants. "You're mine. I want to sit by you at breakfast, I want to talk with you at lunch..." He started to pull my jeans down and I started to pull his shirt off of him as he did.

"Then do that." I laughed. "Don't be afraid to tell him to move over. After all, it's not a secret that we're together anymore." I reminded him.

"...that's right." He remembered, and suddenly looked at me with a smirk. "Then...don't expect me to hold back in front of everyone anymore." He made me chuckle again and I nodded.

"Mhhh..." I breathed as Kizumi kissed me again and used his hands rather skillfully over my body. Whether or not all of my friends were still waiting at the front door wasn't any concern of mine right now. I was entirely wrapped up in the feeling of Kizumi's hands on me, and anything else didn't matter even in the slightest. It almost made me laugh to think about it. 5 minutes ago I was terrified I was going to lose him for good, and now we were all over each other in the bedroom.

I truly hoped that after this things would get better. I was going to give more of an effort to make sure Kizumi felt that I wasn't fading away from him. I would spend more time with him, include him in our conversations...simple things. Hopefully that would cheer him up...I just wanted us to go back to how we were. I missed being able to see that side of him...