Why? (Kylo Ren Fanfiction)

Chapter 10

After we discussed our escape plan, we headed to bed. We decided that it would be best to go tomorrow, early in the morning when Hux and Phasma weren't awake. No one else would suspect anything; they never questioned anything Ben did. "Where will we go?"

Ben turned on his side, facing me, "I don't know.. can't go on any allied planet of the First Order. I'm sure they'll be looking for me."

An idea popped into my head. As a giant grin planted itself on my face, I said, "What if..."

Ben curiously smiled at me, seeing my happy state, "What if?"

"What if we went home? Your mom obviously doesn't live at home anymore, and she always mentioned that I had the option of living there. The planet is basically abandoned, since the majority of the villagers went with Leia to go help the Resistance. It'd be safe."

Concern filled his eyes, as he look down at me. "I don't know.."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

He stumbled on his words as he finally found what to say, "There's just a lot of memories there... of my dad.. your parents. It makes me feel horrible."

My parents... they passed a couple of years ago. They went on a mission for the Resistance and were  captured by the First Order. I didn't know Ben knew.. did he have something to do with their death?

"Did you..."

"Did I what?"

Tears prickled my eyes as I pushed forward, "Did you k-kill them?"

I regretted saying that. The second it came out, I knew it was a mistake. He pulled away quickly, sitting up, "Why would you think that? I loved your parents."

"Well, You loved your dad."

He jumped up off the bed, "That's different."

Angrily, I sat up, "How? Tell me how it's different."

He paused for a second, looking down. Furiously he threw a vase across the room, "He sent me away!!"

His breathing increased, hyperventilating, as he paced around the room. "H-He claimed he loved me, that he was there for me, yet he s-sent me away." 

Ben slowly sunk to the ground, head in his hands, "W-when he came to me, on the bridge, telling me to come home... I couldn't  handle it. Why now? Why not back then?" 

I quietly walked to him, as he spoke. I slid down next to him, back resting against the wall. I grabbed his hand, rubbing small circles into his palm. "I loved him.. and I killed him."

Ben reached over, grabbing me by the waist, and pulled me onto his lap. I set my head on top of his, tears falling, and held him as he cried into my chest. "I regret it everyday.. " 

After a couple of minutes, he shakily said, "I didn't kill your parents. I tried to save them, but my master, Snoke, got to them before I could. I'm so sorry."

Our grips tightened, "It's okay, Ben. At least you tried."

After minutes of silence, our eyelids started falling. I felt an arm go under my legs, and I was being picked up. I opened my eyes to find Ben carefully setting me down on the bed, and crawling in afterwards. 

I stared at his back, wanting him to turn around; wanting him to hold me; wanting him. 

Ben... I wished you knew how much I love you.

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*Ben's POV*

I wanted to hold her; needed to hold her. How did I last this long without her? 

I love her, I can admit that now. If only she knew how much she means to me.