The Perfect Man | J Cole

19

Gianni

"Gianni, you're going down the damn wrong path!"

"Marcus, calm dow-" "Don't tell me what to do, Jilenna!"

The veins on my dad's neck were clear to see as he furiously spoke to me. I told him about Jermaine and I cause I'm used to telling everything I do to my dad. Except for getting intimate and all that stuff, of course.

"You have to understand me, pa. I can't resist him!" I spoke back. Jilenna sat down on the couch next to me and rubbed my back. "It's ok sweetie. I understand you."

"No, Jilenna. Don't treat her like a baby. She is keeping away the child of a man! I, as a father, can't even think of the thought of someone keeping Gianni as a secret for me. Gianni, you're doing him wrong! Stop hurting him, yourself and your damn son without anyone knowing!"

I was slowly starting to get mad the more my dad spoke. How can he say I'm hurting others when he was the first one to do me wrong?

"Don't talk about hurting people when you were the one to blame me for mom's dead. When you came home as the fucking junkie you were just to hurt and curse me." I looked at him and I couldn't help but start to get teary eyes. I can't stand having fights with the people I love. "Stop trying to make me feel quilty, dad. I was 16. 16 years old when I made the mistake I'm still suffering from and if I could turn back time I would! Please support me instead of hurting me more." I felt Jilenna wrap her arms around me as I dug my head in my hands and sobbed silently.

This situation has never been this hard. I wanted to just end everything with Jermaine. Now I finally kind of got my man back, everything turns against me. I got Lorenzo, my dad, Raina. All those people.

I heard dad sigh and he took a seat next to me. Jilenna moved herself from me so my dad could talk to me. "You want me to support you, huh?" He chuckled and shook his head. "I know you're not going to do this, Gianni. But still, if you want to make this situation worse, keep Lorenzo away from him for more years. But if you want this situation to be over, tell him about his son. And if he doesn't stay with you, that's when you know he's not a real man. Cause real men don't quit on their woman. For whatever she did. Love is love."

I stared at my phone as I was on the verge of texting Jermaine.

Tell him the truth.

My dad's words lingered through my thoughts and I swallowed. Am I really about to do this? Should I even do this? I'm not ready to lose Jermaine. I don't want to lose his trust cause I know he's not gonna trust me after this. What about Raina? Will she understand I have a baby with the man she desires?

No, the fuck, of course she won't. You that dumb Gianni?

Gianni: Hey

Not even 2 minutes passed and Jermaine was already replying me.

Jermaine: Hey baby what's up
Gianni: Can you come to my house? I need to talk and get something off of my chest
Jermaine: U good? And yea sure babygirl I'll drop at your crib as soon as I finish my work
Gianni: Yeah I'm fine, just wanna talk

I locked my phone and threw it somehwere on the couch, not waiting for Jermaine's reply. I just wanted to get this over with.

Jermaine is going to show up, we are gonna sit down, talk and I'm going to tell him about his long lost son that I kept away and he'll either stay or leave. That's it.

It sounds easier than it'll be.

I was just praying for God to give me strength. My actions have had the worst consequences and now I have to solve each one by my own. I wish ma was here. I'm sure all this wouldn't have happened. Cause she knows what to do and how to keep me in my lane before going into any mistake.

"Mama," I heard Lo's soft voice and I looked up and noticed him standing in my kitchen doorway. The thought of him actually going out of bed alone made me smile. He usually cries till I get him. "Yes baby." I patted my lap and he walked towards me, holding onto my neck and climbing on my lap.

"I want play." He pointed to the window with his tiny finger. "Alright, we'll go outside tomorrow? Is that ok?" Lorenzo nodded and I smiled, pecked his cheek and freed him so he could play with his toys.

There was a bunch of new toys that Jermaine bought him. All the expensive ones were Lorenzo's now. He loves them. And I enjoyed seeing him play with someone Jermaine bought him. It just made me feel some way.

The feeling I want to feel. Jermaine buying toys and clothes for his child, he doesn't even know about.

I stood up to fix me a sandwich when I heard the door. I dropped the knife that was in my hand and I glared out of the window. Jermaine was standing there. How did he come so quick? I thought the studio was at least an hour from here. I didn't even have the time to comprehend what was about to happen. What am I going to say? Am I ready for his reaction?

"Jamaine Jamaine!" Lorenzo stood up and jumped up and down. A small smile crept onto my face as I opened the door. "Hey babygirl." Jermaine stepped in and planted kisses on my cheeks. I closed the door and unzipped his jacket for him. "I thought you were at the studio? How did you come so quick?"

He shook his head and took off his shoes. "Nah, I was working at Felton's crib." I frowned as we both walked to the kitchen and sat down on the seats. "Felton? You never told me about no Felton?" I squinted my eyes at him, jealousy spreading my body cause I sure as hell know each one of his friends.

Jermaine scoffed and looked at me. "Baby, he's just one of my boys."

"He better be." Jermaine laughed. "You a fool," I smiled and fixed us something to drink.

"What did you want to talk about?" Jermaine asked as he rubbed his hand together before taking a sip of his chocolate milk. I sighed and looked down at my cup.

Should I really tell him? Am I ready? Is this even the right place? With Lorenzo in the room next to us?

"Gianni, you sure you good?" I looked up to meet Jermaine's eyes and felt a sting in my chest.

The same energy filled his eyes as the day I broke up with him. The day I took his son away from him.

And today it's the day I want to set things straight.