stars || Joe Sugg

18.) birthday anxiety

"I'd always just hold her while she cried it out, but now I can't do that because I've literally left her in America by herself. God, I'm a shitty friend." Ruby starts to cry harder, so I smooth down her hair and kiss the top of her head.

"You moved over here to follow a dream of yours." I try, but she just shakes her head.

"There's no dream I'm trying to chase. I was just sick of California." She says, pulling away to wipe her eyes. "I've only ever had Regina. Since I was fifteen, it's only ever just been Regina and I that gave shits about each other. Now, I've left her to fend for herself while I run around in a foreign country. It's not very fair, is it?" I used to abide by the 'say what they want to hear' rule, but I know it won't work on Ruby. The younger girl would call bullshit before I could finish a sentence.

"I guess not." I say. Her sad eyes look up at mine as she pulls her hair away from her face. "You left her in America, but she she let you come over, knowing eventually you were going to have to live on your own." She wipes her entire face on the sleeve of my Sugg Life hoodie, which she has also stole.

"She knew I would be fine. I didn't even think about her." Ruby mutters.

"That's a lie, m'love." This is the second time I've ever accused her of lying. I'm just hoping this time goes much better than the first. Ruby looks up for a small second before biting her lip and nodding.

"I didn't want to leave her alone." The black-haired girl whispers.

"And she didn't want you to be alone. That's why she called Caspar." I tell her, moving a hand up to push a few strands of hair behind her ear.

Before Ruby has time to answer, Caspar comes out of his room, holding Ruby's phone out in front of him. "Talk to Regina." He says, shoving the phone into my free hand. I take the phone and hold it up to my ear.

"Joseph, we need to have a talk." Regina says as soon as I get the phone to my ear. I can hear the distress in her voice as I step towards the stairs.

"What's up, love?" I say as she sniffles.

"Look, I just woke up about an hour ago because I had a nightmare about Ruby." She explains shortly. I don't mention to her that it should actually be like two o'clock in the afternoon over there, meaning she got up at one. I guess sleeping really late runs in the Lee family. Caspar didn't get up until four today. "I swear to God, Joe, you better take good fucking care of her."

I look over at Ruby, who is wrapped up tightly in Caspar's long arms. As far as I can tell, she hasn't begun crying again, but her eyes are shut tightly like she's trying to keep herself from overflowing. "That's all I intend to do." I say. "Are you okay, now?"

"Is Ruby alright?"

"Yeah. She's doing okay right now."

"Then I'm fine." I hear a door close across the line before she begins talking. "You know, I hate saying this, but Ruby's almost like a small child. She needs a lot attention and love, and you have to look after her. I love her to pieces, but she can be a handful. I'm glad you're up for the task."

"I'm never going to not be there for her." I say as Caspar makes a stupid joke, but at least it makes Ruby laugh.

"Nice double negatives." Regina replies sarcastically. "But, anyways, what did you get Ruby for her birthday?" I know quite a bit about Ruby now, but it hadn't occurred to me that I didn't know when her birthday was. All she has ever told me is that she is a Taurus. "Ruby didn't tell you her bloody birthday, did she?"

"Nope." I answer. "It was today, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was. Oh my God, Ruby." I hear her say something to someone before screaming a greeting. "Hey, look, I've got to go. Tell Ruby I'm okay and I love her." Regina hangs up before I have time to say anything.

"Regina is okay, and she loves you." I tell Ruby as I approach her and Caspar. Her nods her head before grabbing my hand from my side. "Also, happy twenty-third." She blinks her eyes a couple times before looking at me with a slightly annoyed look.

"It's not that big of a deal. It's not some kind of milestone." She waves it off. I have known people who didn't get super excited about their birthday, but Ruby looks like she genuinely hates it. "The older I get, the more rare my condition becomes. I don't want to be a thirty year old with a nightmare disorder."

"I know you care, but I don't, babe. I told you I wouldn't give up on you. I've got you, okay?" I promise her without having to actually say the word.

"Is that what the box in the mail was?" Caspar asks. I made Caspar get the mail today since he had to run out anyways. I didn't know that he had brought back a box to Ruby, but I guess he did.

"Yeah." I give her a confused look, and she moves into Caspar's room. She brings out a box that has a snow dome inside. "It's from my mom." She rolls her eyes. "I wish she did not put me through years and years of therapy. I'd probably like this a bit more if she hadn't." She takes it from the box and looks at it for a short moment. Ruby walks back into Caspar's room and climbs on to the top of his bed. She pulls the blinds up and unlocks the window.

"Um, Ruby-" I can't get anything else out before she opens the window and tosses the present out. "Well, okay." She shuts the window and drops the blinds all the way.

"It's fine, babe. She doesn't owe me a snow globe anyways. She owes me a whole lot of time and a whole lot of apologizes." Ruby answers. She pushes past me and into my bedroom.

"She's changed so much since she was younger." Caspar mutters as we both watch her shut the door. "She used to not be as tough. She would cry if you looked at her wrong."

I don't say it out loud, but I can see her slowly reverting back. Regina told me that she has cried more in the time she's been here than she has in the past year. Regina toughened her up, thinking that it was for her own good, but that's not what Ruby really needed. She just needed someone to hold her and tell her that crying wasn't going to hurt her as much as she thought. Regina did what she could, though. I'm never going to be upset at her doing what she did.

I enter my room and find Ruby spinning around in the chair. "You okay, darling?" I ask her. She stops spinning when she's facing me, and she slowly nods her head.

"I always screw over your filming schedule, don't I?" She jokes.

"Don't worry about it. There's always other time." I sit on the edge of my bed, and she stands from the chair.

"Don't get me a birthday present." She says, sitting down next me.

"You have nothing you want?"

"Nope. I think you're enough right now. "