Strong Protection

Part 54

Allie's POV

Numb.
Have you ever felt numb? Not just the simple type of feeling but the hardcore kind. Where your whole body is completely stiff and it feels like knives are jabbing into your skin when you move. Where stillness was grater than anything. Stillness was better than anything.

I honestly don't know if what I'm saying makes any since. It probably doesn't. Then again nothing really does. Not even the stupid darn wall that kept staring back at me, mocking me entirely. It mocked me because it was free and there was no reason to hurt it. Unlike me, I'm just constantly being hurt.

I haven't moved from my spot in hours, honestly not caring if I hadn't gotten any sleep. Because how could I? Sleep was out of the question. There's no way I could. Every time I closed my eyes the memories replayed in my head, causing me to whimper and lock down instantly.

I was scared of everything now. Anything that moved or made noise freaked me out. Everything just seemed to be against me. It felt like the walls were laughing at me and the bed was taunting me. I just couldn't shut out anything. Silence was soaking the room and I hated it. I hated the silence.

Because since there was only silence, the memories kept replaying in my brain. The screams. The hits. The torture. The kissing. The rubbing. The rustling sheets. The uncomfortable and the comfortable moans. The loud whimpers and pleads. Everything. Everything was so visual in my head. And I couldn't stop thinking about it even if I forced myself not to. It was just there, hovering.

Everything was just there. Like the pain. I don't know how long I've been lying here alone just sobbing and whimpering softly but it felt like forever. The pain lasted forever. I'm still super sore and I never dared to move my legs from the position I was in where he left me.

And to make matters worse, he pulled his T shirt over my naked body after he was done to remind me of who took my innocence. Of who is in control of me now. Of who owns me now and has taken everything from me. He did that to me.

And I couldn't even try to take it off if I wanted to. Just looking at it makes me break down and cry. So I just left it on my body, feeling somewhat comforted at the fact that it covered my bare skin. But why should I care anymore? I've already been exposed.

My hands were now intertwined with each other as I kept the staring contest between me and the wall going. I don't remember the last time I blinked. It hurt to do just that since I've cried probably a whole fountain's worth of tears. I felt my body jerk randomly as another flashback crossed my mind, making me shiver and curl up even more.

A whimper escaped my dry, worn down lips as I shut my eyes tightly. I tried telling myself to stop thinking about it but what's the use? Jackson made sure it was a memorable thing. And it was. I couldn't get it off my mind. No matter how hard I mentally screamed at myself to. I just couldn't do anything anymore.

I wanted to scream, freak out, panic, do anything after he left me. But I couldn't do anything but lay there in pain. Like I said, he took everything. And I didn't even want to try to take it all back. I just couldn't. There was no emotional energy left. I was broken. Mentally broken. So broken I wanted my life to just end right here, right now.

In fact I was hoping Jackson would come back to kill me and get it over with so that I don't have to drown in my own pain anymore. But then again, I've been drowning for hours. I honestly couldn't think of anything else better to do but let the pain sink in every little hole left in me.

I opened my eyes to look back at the wall, picturing it smirking at me in victory that it won our staring contest. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as the thought of Harry crossed my mind. How could I face him now? I'm completely broken. Will I ever be the same after this? Could Harry love me like this? Would he even want me back after he's figured out what happened to me?