Confusion. What is confusion? I can defiantly define that word in a heart beat. I know what confusion is. It's when you come home everyday, not seeing your father around. Not knowing where the hell he is every second of your life.
My dad is all that I have. I heard that my mom died in a car accident but my gut feeling tells me she was murdered.
But by who?
I lay awake everyday, waiting to hear the doors open, waiting to hear the silent sound of feet shuffling against the cold hard wood floor. I wait and wait. But those noises never seem to fill my ears. I almost cry everyday. Feeling so alone, feeling abandoned. Like no one on this earth cares for me anymore.
If my dad is going to ditch me every day of my life, at least send me to my grandparents house, anything! Just anyone! I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of feeling stubborn. And most important, I'm tired of hating my dad.
I was sitting on the chair that was right in front of the kitchen table, scribbling on my homework page. I'm use to this now. I'm use to scribbling on my homework, doodling, dazing off. I can't keep focused on my own homework because I'm so busy stressing out where on earth my father is.
He is never here. He only comes home late at night. Late to the point where I don't even notice his presence. I wonder what life would be like, if my mother was still here. Would I be happy? Or will she be as hurt as me?
I had happiness suck out of me the moment I realized my mother died, with me being the age of 14. I'm 18 years old now. I should be taking care of myself now, but I'm to broken to even care. And thanks to my dad, I'm stubborn.
When will I be happy again? And when will I get out of this house I'm in. If I'm going to be in a place so called "home," mine as well live alone since no one comes back home for me.
I just don't understand.
Allie's Dad's P.O.V
(This part is really important to read btw)
I nervously threw my hoodie over my head, covering the sides of my face. It was late at night, probably around 10:30 P.M
Another day has gone by when I left my daughter alone at the house. Allison. My own daughter who I love so much. I just wish I could hold her and tell her everything. I just wish I could see a smile on her face and watch her grow up and bring a man to the house to protect her. She is not safe.
I forbid her from leaving the house without a note. She only stays home if she doesn't have school. She doesn't have many friends, which I don't understand why because she is an amazing person. Why am I not spending time or at least sitting down with my daughter?
Well.... I'm afraid of the questions she will ask me about that she's dying to know. And honestly, I don't want to lie to her. She will flip out once she finds out what I do and even worse, she will be scared of me.
I don't want to her to know that her mother was murdered from the people I work with. I try to keep my daughter safe, and I try to come home supper late so she doesn't ask me questions that I'm to afraid to answer.
Yes I'm 41 years old and I should step up my game because I'm a grown man now. But..... I just can't. I don't even know my daughter anymore. Ever since my wife died I lost it. I hardly spoke to Allie and it killed me even more knowing I wasn't there for her when she sobbed.
I'm such a horrible father. And I sometimes think of killing myself for doing this to her, but without me, where would she go? She doesn't have any other family I could contact, only my wife knew all of their information.
And why is my daughter not safe? Well....... I sell drugs to the cartel for living.
I sometimes don't even go home after my work, I go spend the night at my friends house so that my daughter doesn't smell the drugs on me. No I don't take drugs, but I do hold them everyday. I love Allison, and I know she hates me. I just want to talk to her. Maybe, tonight, I can talk to her.
It's been 4 years since I've had a conversation with her. 4 freaking years. But I'm too afraid to get too attached to my daughter as bad as that sounds. I'm afraid one day they will kill me and take her away from me. Or worse, kill her right in front of me like they did to my wife.
They raped my wife right in front of me, then they killed her by beating her up constantly till her bones were broken and her body failed to live.
I was traumatized. And for the rest of my life I will be. But maybe, just maybe, I can talk to Allie today.
YOU ARE READING
"Help me please, she needs a place to stay, at least for a couple of months. She's not safe, she's in danger. Please Harry, I'll do anything in return, just please protect my daughter." Allie Stage, a young stubborn 18 year old, had a father that s...