Without Sight (poetry volume one)

One of Those Nights

Thoughts pound in my head

Like a bass in a fancy car:

Rattling the windows and shaking my chest.

I wonder what it’s going to be like.

This every day?

I’m not too sure about that.

Try to understand.

I’m happy now.

Take it out on me or play stupid:

We don’t get it.

And trying to is not my business

While what I do isn’t yours.

Maybe I just expect this out of you.

Your acquiescence has me on edge,

That much I’ll admit.

I can’t let it take me down

And if that is your intention

You failed.

I’m confident, like she said.

Ecstatic.

I have a wonderful thing

And if you’d pay attention so do you.

Your small jibs, joking or serious,

Are not going to faze me.

I’ve made my decision both ways

And that is merely that.

I’ll make this right…

No, I’ll make this perfect.

This will work out both ways, just watch.

Concern for me is not necessary

So don’t feel obligated.

I can see this from your point of view

And hers and his and even theirs.

You once told me to do what makes me happy,

To put me first above everyone else

And not to spare other people’s feelings no matter what.

Time to grow up

And I know that now.

You won’t hear me complain about that anymore,

Gush about my days anymore,

Or even go to you to tell you about any of it anymore.

I’m just afraid is all

And you’re not helping with your constant comments

About leaving me behind.

I can’t take it so personal:

I’m trying not to, believe me.

But this is going to be difficult on all of us.

Just because it doesn’t affect you

Doesn’t me it leaves me carefree.

Maybe I’m just longing for that figure I won’t ever have,

That perfect picture with the cat

And the truly happy smiles.

All I want is your approval.

But I know I will never get that.

Deep down it would make it perfect again.

However, deep down I also know your deep down.

I wish it was secret from the world

Or at least from my knowledge.

~nikkie may.