Nest Among The Stars

The Universe and Everything Else - Part 15

Michael does not speak right away. He has experienced so much in such a very short time. Everything was happening ...everything had happened, too quickly.

"I was ..." the proper word fails to find its place. He hunts for it and cannot find a word that isn't too barren to describe what he knows he has experienced. Finally, he speaks the only word human understanding allows to him, "...dead."

"This is what you comprehend. Please tell me more," Nathaniel asks with genuine concern.

"I no longer existed. There was no more 'me', no 'Michael', nothing."

"Yes Michael, anything else?"

Michael hesitates. Grasping for the right words, and again finding none. "But I did exist. I ...I just wasn't ...present. I wasn't physical or spiritual, nor was I part of a ...mental state. I can't explain it ...words are inadequate. I did not exist and yet my being ...whatever I am without a physical nature or a single iota of thought ...of mind ...of awareness, was somewhere. An emptiness needing to be ...recreated, reborn ...I don't know."

"Awakened?"

"Yes ...maybe ...no, if I had been 'awakened' it suggests I slept, but even in sleep you are aware of your own existence. This 'awareness' was not present, at least not at first."

"But Michael, if you did not exist, how could you possibly be cognizant of a period wherein you did not exist? From your perspective you either were existent, or you were not. Time would have flowed seamlessly from one state to the other for you, without the possibility of your perceiving an intervening gap wherein you did not exist."

I can't explain it. I just know that it happened. Someone shot me, I was dead, there was nothing and then..."

"Yes?" Nathaniel encouraged.

"...and then I ...I became aware of blackness, then gray, then..."

"Perhaps the 'awareness' occurred right after you were shot?"

"No, that's not it. There was a time, a gap, a point at which my existence was extinguished."

"And you know this how? How is it possible for you be aware of your own non-existence?"

"Because I do," Michael shot back aggressively, raising his head to confront his inquisitor.

"You truly believe this? You have faith in what you know to be true despite any ability to be certain of it?"

"Yes I do. Something inside me tells me it is true. Not everything that is true needs to be proven by some empirical standard before its reality is acknowledged. Some things are true simply because they are, regardless of whether or not you accept them to be so. In and of themselves they are just true."

"So you say," Nathaniel agreed with a knowing nod of the head. The two men studied each other for a moment, Nathaniel giving Michael time to say more should he chose to do so; Michael considering his words and sensing he had begun to confirm ideas he never previously accepted. Somehow he felt he was answering questions long festering inside him without being certain of either the questions or the answers being given. After a short while Nathaniel spoke, seeming to change the subject.

"Let's help ourselves to the food. And while we eat you can tell me what happened to you out there in the woods."

"You know about my walk in the forest? You know about the wall, the battle, the people — you know of my actions?" Michael questioned calmly. He was no longer able to be surprised.

Nathaniel replied with a long 'yes', indicating he either knew some but not all that had happened, or he maintained an unwillingness to answer fully, least how he knew should come to be revealed. Michael did not press him on the point. He was satisfied in his own mind that Nathaniel was either directly orchestrating everything or indirectly doing so in concert with others, assisting them to bring about the strange occurrences. Either way, Nathaniel could not help but to know what had happened.