1,000 Ways To Die While Wearing Pants

Oh Mr. Sheperd, You'll Regret This...

(A/N: Well This long ass chapter should explain allot of the story and where i'm heading with it! :D Anyways....the picture down there is of Hades! :D aka...the biggest pedophile a child could imagine.. ENJOY! :D)

A Few Hours Later.....

~IS's POV~

*YWAN!* I looked over at my alarm clock and a big 4:15 flashed in my face. SHIT! Iv'e been asleep for more than three hours......why hasn't my mom come in to yell at me for 'being rude' and how I need to 'learn some respect for my elders.' Did they just get fed up with me and leave? Pfft! I better go check this shit out. Mom!? Dad!? Are you guys still here? -no answer. Hmm, It's not like my mom to just LEAVE without dragging me behind. But then again, Iv'e never seen her more angry and dissapointed in me before..... Damn. I looked everywhere in my house but they weren't there. The cars were still in the driveway so they didn't go on there trip. So where were they? It's like they just vanished. Well I have two ways to look at this; One: OH SWEET MY PARENTS DISAPERED AND LEFT ME HOME ALONE TO DO WHATEVER I WANT! :D or Two: Oh My God, Are they Okay? Where Did They Go? How Will I Contact Them In Emergencies!? ....I'm going with option number one! Lets see, total freedom, no nagging parents, what should I do? of coarse my messed up mind automically thought: 'LETS LISTEN TO MY I-POD FULL BLAST FOR HOURS!' ....Stupid IS, you can do ANYTHING you want and the first thing you think of is your dang I-Pod!? PFFT!

Well for the past hour and a half I decided to run around the house like a complete lunitic! No pants,my mom's bra hanging loosly around the outside of my shirt, millions of cookies shuved inside my mouth, and Greenday's Dookie playing full blast in my cheep, antique stero......This is the life! :D But seriously, If any of my neighbors saw me right now, I would be in a mad house like BAM! Hahaha Oh that would be the day...

HER LIFE WAS MAGAZINES, AND FAITHFUL TV SCREENS SELLIN' AN EMPTY DREAM .....OF CARS AND CALORIES, EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!! Hey this isn't Greenday.....OH WELL! :D ON HARLEY!! -I chanted to my imaginary unicorn who gave me rides anywhere I wanted as long as I fed him honey and friut loops- TO THE KITCHEN! SO WE CAN CONQUER THE FRIDGE BEAST!! I ran faster than expected into the kitchen and ended up slippping thanks to my MEGA  AWESOME BATTMAN SOCKS!! And faceplanted the floor. ^_^ Anyway after I was done laughing and cussing and the tile for ....being there I heard someone upstairs shufling around. o_o M-Mom is that you!!?? No answer. Well time to assume the worst. Which would only be that a mad-man dressed up as dora the explora decided to break in my bedroom window so he could see what size underwear I wear.....what is wrong with me? I grabbed the first thing I saw to use as a weapon only to find a salt-shaker held tightly in my trembling hand. Really IS! A salt-shaker!? Yeah lets go storm upstairs and threaten to season the bitch if he doesn't get out of my house! -_- Whatever. I slowly made my way up to my room where the noise was comming from and raised my salt-shaker up in the most threatining way possible....if anything this robber will die from laughing to hard at my poor effort to protect my house.

When I made my way to my room I cautiously opened the door to find a old man about 5 '7 standing in the middle of my room looking at a picture of my family. Uh, who the hell are you? The man who had a strange resemblence to The Emperor from Star Wars turned with a cheeky grin on his face. "Aah, Igneous Iv'e been waiting for you!" ...THE FUCK BRO! Are you some kinda 'long lost grandpa' of mine or something? How the Hell did you get in here anyways, the windows and doors don't seem to be broken.... "No, I have no need for doors and windows. I can just simply come here if I want to." Uhm.... "Allow me to explain." "My name....well i'm known by many names but you will call me Hades. I'm the person in charge of the fate of those who decide that they don't care about life." --Hold on a seccond! Hades!? You mean like the greek guy who creeped that one chick to be his wife? And also, if your suggesting that I don't want to live then your dead wro-- "You didn't let me finish!!" "I have been watching you Igneous Sheperd, and Iv'e realized that you don't care about your parents, you don't really have any friends, and you hate to go out and enjoy life." "My job is to take the life away from those who aren't using it and give it to the ones who need it. And it sounds to me like you don't DESERVE your life." WHAT!? Okay wait a seccond!! First of all, NEVER call me Igneous, If I hate it when my parents say it, then I REALLY hate it when some old ass pedophile says it. Seccond, Who are you to come into MY house and tell me I don't deserve to live!? If anything YOU don't deserve to live because you judge people without even knowing them and make choices for them! "Oh but I know you Igneous Sheperd!" IS! MY NAME IS IS!!! "Igneous Sheperd; Born on  April 9, 1977 in Newark, New Jersey." ARE YOU STALKING ME!? CAUSE THAT'S FUCKING CREPY BRO! "Your really starting to annoy me Igneous Sheperd!" STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT! I SWAER IF YOU CALL ME IGNEOUS ONE MORE TIME I'LL BASH YOUR HEAD IN WITH THIS SALT SHAKER!! "I must ask you Igneous, why do you hate your parents so much?" THAT'S IT!! *throws salt shaker full force at 'Hades' leaving a huge red mark on his face* After I threw the salt shaker I immediatly regreted it because I don't even know who this guy is and by the sounds of it, He's crazy. Fuck, he could murder me and use my body as a chair for all I know! But as I looked at the huge red mark I left on his face I started busting up laughing. HAHAHA! OH MAN I ALWAYS LOVED SALT! :'D As 'Hades' straightened up I noticed a few things about him. 1) He just got about 3 feet taller. 2) His eyes were blood red. 3) After all that, he's probably not crazy and really telling the truth about this whole 'magic devil man thing'. Fuck. I'm screwed. (Ba Dam Psh! ;D) Oh and another thing about this man is when he gets angry like this, his voice becomes 100x deeper so it now sounds like a million bults of thunder surrounding you. But it's also so..smooth! Like electrifying butter...If that makes sense. "IGNEOUS SHEPERD!" "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME!!" "I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE AND LET YOU PROVE TO ME THAT YOU WERE WORTHY TO LIVE!!" "BUT AFTER THAT STUNT, YOU'LL BE LUCKY TO MAKE IT TO HELL IN ONE PIECE!!" oh fuck to the nah! ...Now one thing you should know about me is that I'm not one to listen to people, and I'm not one to just stand theer and do nothing when someone is shit-talking me....it's why I'm always grounded. -_- That's right, I'm one sassy-mother-fucka! ;D So being the stupid, firey peron I am, I just HAD to speak up and talk back to this ragging demon. Which now that i think back, If I could have found a decent roll of ducktape in my room, I would be able to shut the hell up nd I wouldn't be in this mess. But then we would have no story, would we?