Chasing Butterflies

Drunken City

"I said we're over! Get out!" He screamed in her face, any hint of the man she had known for two years was replaced with a face of rage.

"Fine." Izzy pulled herself off the couch, walking past his shaking form. Her worn out boots clapped against the formerly white tiles of his kitchen floor. The apartment door slammed like thunder after her.

Two years and countless memories wasted. "Useless bastard," Izzy whispered brokenly to herself as she tried not to let any more tears slip. She ambled down the sidewalk at a quick pace, frozen hands buried in her jacket pockets, picking at the ripped inner lining. Her footsteps slapped through muddy puddles and kicked past discarded trash on the sidewalk.

Izzy wiped her eyes with numb fingers as she took in the sight of the lamp-lit streets. The city was in that state between sleep and wakefulness. While the day time occupants of the city, the suit-clad men and the women reeking of hairspray had gone to sleep beneath their silken sheets, the night dwellers had just risen from their hung over slumbers. Girls in too-high heels stumbled beside boys with half empty cans of beer clutched in their grimy hands. It was that time of night when underground clubs were open, sweaty bodies ground against each other, and cheap liquor mixed.

Usually she and Youngkyun would be among them, the taste of watered down vodka mixing between their lips. But tonight was the first night that she couldn't do that, she had other things to do, like figure out where in the hell she was going to sleep, or when she was going to get her stuff out of his place.

Because it was his place, as he had so kindly made clear to her by dumping her and throwing her out. Izzy hung her head back and breathed in a lungful of frigid night air.

She walked a while longer, passing crowded clubs and overflowing pubs. And yet she had nowhere to go. The appeal of a 24 hour McDonalds had never struck her until now as she considered taking refuge in the greasy fast food place. The massive yellow M loomed over her head, buzzing like a gnat.

No. She was pathetic, sure, tonight especially, but sleeping in a McDonalds was too sad even for her. So she kept walking past the neon signs of the West Side and into a world of flickering, South side streetlights.

Her phone screen showed that it was 02:26am. There wasn't anywhere she could go this late. She didn't really have friends. There were people she talked to on occasion, acquaintances, the few people she had met over the past two years were people that Youngkyun introduced her to. He was always careful to make sure that she didn't get too close to any of the people she talked to. She had no real friends that would let her crash on their couch after she had been dumped, Youngkyun made sure of that. Calling her parents definitely wasn't an option. Izzy had no desire to talk to them and she would never come crawling back to those people.

She came to a halt. The night life of the city had withered away and she found herself beneath the bowed entrance of a railway station. Though judging by the heavy layers of graffiti on the station sign, not many trains actually made it through there anymore. The dilapidated sight sent a cold shiver down her back. There was something strange about this place.

She let out a sigh, pulling out her phone. A last resort, that's what she had to search for. The list of her contacts was short and she no longer spoke to most of those people, seeing as Youngkyun always cut off her conversations before an acquaintance could become a friend. But there was one name that shot a spark of hope through her.

Cassie. Maybe she was still awake? Maybe her couch was open? Maybe.

She clicked the call button, placing the cold plastic up to her ear. One ring. Two rings. Five rings later a muffled voice cracked to life on the other side of the line.

"Hello?"

"Um hey Cassie," her voice trailed off, unsure of how to phrase the words.

"Hey Izzy! What's up, you never call this late. Actually you don't call at all. What's going on?" Cassie would have sounded concerned had it not been for her slurred words. She was drunk.

"Do you think I could crash at your place? Just for tonight?" The fingers of her left hand tapped a nervous rhythm inside the pocket of her ripped jacket. Another muffled voice sounded through the phone. Izzy couldn't make out what it was saying.

"Sure, my couch is open. But my boyfriend's over right now, you don't mind do you?" Izzy paused. She had met Cassie when Youngkyun introduced her to one of the guys he worked with, Jae, who happened to be Cassie's boyfriend. But the two men weren't on very close terms, as far as she recalled.

Izzy let out a rushing breath, what choice did she have? "No, not at all, it's your place after all." She hissed in a lungful of oxygen, "Thanks Cassie. I'll be over in a bit. Bye."

"See ya soon girly!" Cassie was an energetic drunk and an overly happy one. Izzy couldn't comprehend how someone could be that perky when they were so slobbering drunk. Though, she had to admit that Cassie's antics were amusing at the very least.

She turned on her heel, away from the abandoned railway station and toward where she recalled Cassie's apartment to be. It was getting late and though she had grown used to the dark streets of the city, Izzy knew that it wasn't safe to be out at night. She had spent her fair share of time with the exact people that made the city so wild and unpredictable when the sun went down.

And yet she wouldn't change the decisions she'd made or the things she'd done, even if her actions had ripped away her boyfriend and only place to live. Granted, her current situation wasn't so great, but she would take it over what her parents had wanted for her. Marriage and children and being a perfect little housewife with pearls around her neck and a rich husband on her arm. She wasn't ready for that. And so she chose the drunken city over the sheltered life that had been laid out for her.

Izzy stopped in her tracks, the eerie shadow of a building hung over her head. She could see the light shining onto the sidewalk from one of the windows. To say that Cassie's apartment building was dilapidated would be a drastic understatement. Trash was piled up on the curb, paint was peeling away from the walls, and the faint chattering of rats was always present. Izzy made her way up the crumbling stairs and rang the bell for dorm 3F. The front door unlocked with a buzz and Izzy pried it open with an ear splitting screech, cringing as the sound berated her eardrums.

The chill of the night and the late hour had done nothing to keep her awake, and instead lulled her into a dreamlike trance as she clambered up the stairs. The apartment door stared back at her, faded red paint bleeding away from the splintered wood.

Izzy stood frozen. She didn't want to be here. Didn't want to feel dependent on someone, didn't want to owe anyone anything, not anymore. She could turn around. Find some empty railway station to sleep in. She could be strong and handle this on her own. She just had to walk away.

She knocked.

The door was flung open. "Hey girly! I haven't seen you in forever! Get in here," sharp nails dug into her arm, tugging her into the apartment.

"Thanks for letting me crash here, Cassie. It's just for one night, I promise," Her voice came out quiet, scratchy.

"No problem!" Cassie screeched as a guy with rough stubble appeared behind her, wrapping his thin arms around her waist. "Hey, babe. You remember Izzy, I told you earlier that she's gonna crash here tonight." Cassie placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek while his eyes seared right through Izzy.

Izzy expected a greeting or at least a grunt of acknowledgement. But he didn't seem like one for formalities. For a solid ten seconds his eyes scrutinized her, "You look like you need a hit."

Jae peeled away from his girlfriend, stumbling over to the coffee table. Thin, yellowing papers and plastic baggies lay scattered. Izzy saw the flash of a lighter as he turned back towards her. The sloppily rolled joint between his fingers was lit, letting off a thin stream of smoke that filled the room. He shoved it into Izzy's hand.

She couldn't do this. What the hell would this solve? Nothing. She knew better than to get sucked into this world. This was a line she shouldn't cross. She should leave while she still could.

She brought the joint to her lips and inhaled.

The high couldn't fix her. But it could make her forget.