The First of February (EDITING)

Secrets (26)

"Well," Harry began, but stopped right after. They gave each other quick glances.

"And where is Louis and Liam?" I frowned, furrowing my brow and crossing my arms over my chest. Seriously, what the hell was going on?

"Our manager told us that for our U.S tour, we have to be single for the fans," Niall blurted out. All 3 of them were now looking at me in the eye. I couldn't stop the tears from beginning to form, I just couldn't hide them now. By the way they were looking at me, I wasn't hiding the pain from what they just told me. My lip began to quiver and my hands trembled.

I just shook my head and brushed by them, heading right upstairs. My hand fumbled with the door knob as I heard footsteps approaching me, making me frantic with the door. Right when I pushed the door open and slid through the small opening, I turned around to shut the door, but a hand was placed firmly right in the middle, keeping it open.

"Leave me alone, please," I whispered, keeping my head down, trying to push the door shut. I didn't bother looking up to see who it was. The hand didn't move, giving me trouble with the door still. "Please, just leave me alone!"

My body fell to the floor and I started convulsing. I curled myself into a ball and rocked back and forth slowly, trying to breath steadily between sobs. The person at the door ran right in and knelt beside me, bringing my shaking body into their warm arms.

Niall.

His hand stroked the side of my cheek, wiping all my tears away. He kissed my head multiple times and just whispered to me, making sure I was safe and secure in his arms. "Sh, Ashley. It'll be fine, I promise... Trust me," he whispered, kissing me again, just pecking at my skin.

"Id never leave you. I could never be able to let you go," he whispered. Niall kept trying to tell me it will be fine, it would get better.

"Niall, why are you so naive?  Why can't you tell that things won't get better. You guys are leaving soon, I'm going to be moving out.... How have you not seen my pain yet? Why don't you know behind all my laughter and smiles is a girl who is yelling out for help but cannot be heard. My boys will leave, I'll find somewhere to go, and then, I'll be just an old, forgotten memory."

"What?" he sputtered out, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide in shock of what I just said.

"I just said that out loud?" I cupped my hand to my mouth. Shit, fuck, cunt, ass, damn it, mother fucker, bitch, cock. I was mentally face palming myself with a handful of shards of glass, slamming it repeatedly against my forehead. He gave me a small nod, slowly getting up.

"Why don't you feel that things won't get better? What are you seeing that I'm not? Please tell me, and tell me what's wrong. I'm worried about you but you keep shutting me out. And why wouldn't you come with us to the U.S?" Niall began. "And how would we forget about you if you never leave us? You are living here with us, why would you move?"

For the rest of what he said, I just zoned out, ashamed of myself. Why do I keep pushing the people I love out of my life?

"I'm sorry, Niall. I'm just stupid, I should have known this wouldn't have lasted. I was the naive one, thinking Niall Horan could be in love with silly old me, Ashley Wills..."

"Stop! Just stop. Why is it hard to believe that I could love you? Is it because I'm in a band and I'm 'famous'? Why can't I just be Niall, not Niall Horan from One Direction? I thought you were different then that and saw me for who I am, and not the boy in the band." Niall said, his face showing his pain.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," I began, but Niall shook his head and quietly exited the room, heading downstairs and leaving me alone. My body curled back up into a ball as I played with the end of the comforter on the bed, crying softly while twirling my fingers around the Irish flag sheets.