letters to you ° pjm

twenty three. (full)

day 23/28 』

jimin stared at the piece of paper lying in front of him. ah yeon was lying still on the bed, her lips as pale as snow.

he didn't know what to write, but he promised that he would write every letter every day until she passes. soon.

jimin's head was throbbing, he's lower abdomen was hurting a lot, he hadn't took his pain killer for today.

"stage 4, and so sudden at that." he muttered to himself as he looked at ah yeon lying on the bed. he's cancer was growing, really fast. jimin felt like the doctor had given up hope on him, and was just giving pain killers to help him cope with the pain.

maybe that's not a bad thing. maybe dying isn't such a bad thing after all.

he looked down on the wheelchair he was sitting on. yes, a wheelchair. the cancer spread to his legs, and he was unable to walk. jimin also had sudden black outs, and he would cry in pain at times, unable to fall asleep.

his mother came sometimes, but she merely just made sure he ate his medicine and left, not even bothering to spend time with him.

the young nurse came in, and requested jimin to go back to his room. she slowly pushed jimin's wheelchair towards he's room, only to suddenly hear jimin's voice and sobs.

"it hurts." the nurse looked at jimin, he had tears rolling down his face and his eyes were red. he used his hands to clean his tears as he looked her straight in the eye. the nurse felt really pitiful toward jimin. you could tell he was in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally.

she helped jimin onto his bed and then gave him the painkillers the doctor prescribed. he suddenly grabbed the nurse's hands, and pleaded her to stay with him. she was the only one who was willing to stay with him. the doctor then entered the ward, checking up on jimin.

jimin stayed silent the entire time, until he suddenly lost it and asked one question.

"how long?" he blurted to the doctor. the doctor looked at jimin, before sighing, "at most 6 months." he said that, without even a hint of pity for jimin. jimin didn't feel angry towards him though, he knew the doctor faced countless of patients with cases like him, and the doctor was immune to the feeling.

jimin only had 6 months, at the most. no, he wasn't sad, or angry, neither was he scared. he felt peaceful for once, but jimin didn't know why he felt that. the nurse looked down sadly as she played with the hem of her uniform, she felt sad. jimin noticed this, and he immediately re-assured her.

"it's fine, really. i lived life long enough. saw and experienced many things. it's nothing to be sad about." he forced a chuckle and told her, but her expression turned. the nurse was overwhelmed, she was holding back her tears but suddenly let it out. tears suddenly rolled down her eyes and she tried to hide her face away. jimin's eyes widened and he tried to reach out and comfort her but she just left him and went out of his ward.

he wanted to get up but something cold ran down his nose suddenly. he used his hands to wipe it, only to see fresh, red blood. he's chest suddenly tightened, and soon felt like he was gasping for air. he saw the button on top of his bed to call for assistance and wanted to reach for it. before he thought, was he going to die?

won't it be faster and better this way? he thought

he wanted to die peacefully,

so, he decided to not press it.

-
yo
it's already the last day of 2016 :""(
may 2017 bless all of u