[2] not so fangirl ;; 1d

sixteen

"Avril..."

Gue yang lagi duduk di atas kasur sambil main iPhone gue langsung nengok ke arah Louis yang bawa cangkir ke arah gue. "I don't wanna talk much for now, Louis."

"Hey, listen to me," Louis ngedeket ke gue dan ngedekap gue, sekarang dia ngerangkul gue, gue menyandarkan kepala gue di pundak Louis. "Drink. A cup of tea will make your feelings better."

Gue ngangguk dan naruh iPhone gue di atas kasur. "They are so rude. What have I done to them?" lagi-lagi gue nangis waktu inget mereka ngata-ngatain gue? Maksud gue, apa sih yang udah gue lakuin ke mereka? Kenapa mereka bisa sejahat ini sama gue? Bikin teori tentang gue yang dibayar sama management, ngata-ngatain gue di sosmed, sampe bahkan mereka ngancem buat bunuh gue langsung di real life. Gue bahkan ga pernah ngelakuin sesuatu yang buruk ke mereka, atau bahkan gue ga pernah mengusik mereka. Semua yang gue lakuin semata-mata cuma untuk ngebela diri gue sendiri.

"Hey... drink it first," papar Louis sambil menyodorkan secangkir teh ke gue.

Gue menggeleng dan gue langsung peluk dia (menang banyak gengs, hehe) sambil nangis. Gue bener-bener ngerasa down. Oke, gue ga tau apa menurut lo gue tuh emang terlalu melebih-lebihkan sesuatu, tapi sumpah semuanya bener-bener terasa baru buat gue. Gue udah kayak terjebak di dalam sebuah dunia di mana semua orang jahat sama gue, ini dunia yang bener-bener baru buat gue. Mereka ngata-ngatain gue lewat sosmed, di mana mereka bisa tanpa berhenti berkicau tentang kejelekan gue.

Sedangkan Louis, dia ga ngomong apa-apa kecuali ngusap kepala gue. Dan gue merasa nyaman, gangerti lagi. Gue mulai ngomong. "Louis, you know what? My life used to be perfect. Everything used to be perfect before these whole things, Lou. I remember, perfect friends, nobody judged me, nobody bullied me... everyone used to be nice. And my life was completely perfect with One Direction as my idol, I used to go to Twitter, Tumblr, Wattpad, AO3, Vine, and those fangirl things... I used to start a war with the other ship. That was fun, you know?

"And now, I'm a victim of bullying. The whole 1D fandom or even the whole world had been judging me in a rude way, they don't even know about this weird mental illness that I have. Everyone is fucked up and selfish at the moment. All they know that I'm just a whore who's trying to get a popularity from a One Direction star Louis Tomlinson when I'm not even trying to do so. Sometimes I cut myself honestly, and I always cover it up with some makeup so they can't see it. I always wanted to die so the pain wasn't last any longer. My whole world has fallen apart, Louis. And I was clueless."

"Avril, how the fuck you didn't tell me?"

Sesuai dengan ekspetasi gue, Louis pasti kaget parah waktu denger gue punya gangguan mental dan gue cutting. Dan itu semua bener adanya, gue emang punya sebuah kelainan mental dalam beberapa tahun ini dan gue rutin ngelakuin konsultasi sama psikater setiap dua bulan sekali buat ngecek kesehatan mental gue. Gue emang selalu keliatan bego dan terlalu easy going di luar sana, tapi di dalem, gue hancur lebur. "I don't know, I'm just clueless."

"Avril, this world is too cruel for an angel like you, I know."

Gue langsung natep ke Louis dan ketawa pelan. "What the hell, Louis Tommo."

"Hey, I like it. Smile again, please?"

"What?"

"Why, that's it. Because I can see your eyes lighten up. I like seeing you smile like this, you're my bestfriend and I will do everything I can do to make you happy. No alay, tho."

"Alay."

"If only you would like to hear this from me... I promise everything will get better, not soon, not now, but someday."