I Can't

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Ross POV

I really wish I would be able to do it. I wish I could have the bravery to push a knife into my chest, or jump off a bridge. But I just don't. I wish I had the courage to shoot myself, my skull shattering into pieces as the bullet digs into my brain. I wish it were that easy to give up. Very few people actually can just be dedicated and end it. And I wish I were one of them. I continue to scratch at my skin on my hand. It flakes up and begins falling off. Blood rushes to the surface as I continue to scratch. I bite my lip at the stinging that follows. "Hey baby, you ready for dinner?" Max asks through the door. "Almost." I mutter. I take the pile of pills on my dresser and swallow them at once. I should start vomiting around when we are at dinner. This is it. I can do this. I adjust my tie and walk out the door.

"Let's go. I'm really excited for tonight." He winks. I blush slightly at his words. Our 2 year anniversary. I'm nervous of course, but for reasons that are so stupid no one would care.

Max POV

During dinner, Ross' face looked pale. "Babe, are you okay?" "Uh yea Maxy. I'm just kinda dizzy that's all." I stand and walk over to the other side of the table. "Come on. Let's go home so you can rest." He nods and attempts to get up. I help him out of his seat and leave the money on the table. We walk out of the building.

When we get home, he runs to the bathroom to vomit. "Ross are you okay?" I ask through the door. He continues to vomit, then coughing erupts. "Ross, please let me in." "No Maxy, please just leave me be." I freeze. He never asks me to leave him. "No Ross, please, I want to be with you."  I hear him sigh. "Please, I don't want you to see me." He goes back to vomiting with coughs and hacks in between. "No, Ross please, I need to see you, I need to know you're okay." He stops and the lock twists. He opens the door and falls backwards. His head hits the tub and he slumps down. "No, no, no, no. Ross, get up, please get up." He opens his eyelids barely, just enough to see me. "Maxy, I love you." "Ross, don't be like that. You'll be fin-" "No Max, I did this to myself. I'm sorry." Tears streamed down my face as he started to cough again. Blood spurted from his mouth in small droplets. "Baby please, please, you'll be okay. Don't worry." I told him. His frown turned to a weak smile as he drifted away. His breathing came to a stop. My hands went to his cheeks as I kissed his lifeless body. "I love you too Ross." I rested my forehead on his. "I'll love you always."

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