A Necessary Struggle: Fall Semester

Part 59

      Safiya sat on the couch with red eyes and slumped shoulders. She couldn't feel her face and not in a good way. Her friends had been gone for hours and they were hundreds of miles away. She remembered getting the text from Harmony saying we made it and a picture from Alyssa of a snowman with a cucumber nose. She was happy they were having fun but she missed her team. Two weeks out of the hospital, they had a system. 

Safiya no longer woke to the sound of Rihanna singing Work but to the rippling cries of Ameera.

      Her morning routine was no longer: quick run around the block, shower, spend half an hour assembling the perfect outfit for the day, check the T.U.G website for comments on her articles, breakfast smoothie, and then out the door for class. 

Now, the first thing she did was roll out of bed to check Ameera. Find out if she needed a diaper change. If she did, change it. If she didn't, warm a bottle up the old fashion way, in a pot of water on the stove, since Alyssa took the microwave out the house after doing a research paper on the effects of microwaves on the human body. While Safiya pumped milk, Lela would feed Ameera. Once the little sprout drank all four ounces of milk Lela would hand her over to Alyssa for her morning bath. Clean and fresh, Ameera would be given back to Safiya to be dressed in one of the onesies Harmony wash, dried, and folded. It was a relay that got them through the day, each stepping up whenever they were needed.

      The moon's weak glow barely made it through the blinds but was eclipsed by the tinge of the electric light burning in the house. Safiya glared at the TV. It had been on Lifetime all day, movie after movie, came on. Earlier, she tuned in trying to piece together the storyline as she rocked Ameera in her arms but now she just zoned out on it going over her mental list of things to do. First, on that list, take a shower. It was seven in the evening and she was still in last night's ensemble. Next, would be getting something to eat that was drowned in milk or wrapped in a tortilla. Lastly, was sleep...that lasted more than fifteen minutes.

      The pink bunny blanket shaking on the coffee table littered with stacks of onesies and baby clothes caught Safiya's attention. She grunted as she reached for the blanket then said a little prayer, hoping it wasn't a bug as she tugged it. It wasn't a bug but her phone lightened up. She had no reaction as she read the text that merely read, I would knock but the baby. I'm outside.

     Safiya meandered to the door like an old school zombie, slow and unexcited. She eased the lock back gently hoping the pop didn't wake Ameera. The baby could sleep through anything. It was the sudden surprise of noise that jerked her out of slumber to wail. A smile didn't form on Safiya's face as she opened the door.

      "You came." She wasn't surprised just unprepared to see him standing outside her door. She stepped out of the doorway so he could enter.

       Carter stepped into the house carrying bags, "I bought some things I thought you might need." She backed away from him almost hitting the wall and he grinned. "Diapers, clothes, pacifier, blankets."

     Safiya noted how he looked unchanged in brown slacks and a white button-down shirt, his hair longer more curly than wavy. She wondered if that was the type of hair Ameera would have, curly when it grew longer.

      "Thanks." She reached for the bags

     "I got it." Carter pulled the bags back. His gray eyes gave her a once over and making her eyebrows knot. "How are you?"

     "I'm—" Safiya stopped. She shook her head at herself with a little laugh. She sat her hands on her waist happy the oversize shirt hid her baby-free pudge from showing. "What you should be asking is how's my baby doing or can I see my baby. See the pattern."

   "I do." He waved out his arm, the bag hanging in his clasped hand. "Lead the way."

   "She's in the living room." Safiya nodded down the hallway. "You know the way."

     Carter sat the bags on the kitchen bar and stood in front of the wheat-colored Moses-style bassinet behind the couch. "Ameera Grace." He whistled their daughter's name, a name he didn't know until she told him a week ago, made her eyes water.

    Safiya cleared her throat pushing away the feelings that tried to resurface, "Where's your family?"

    Carter turned to her. The gentle smile on his face fallen. He stared at her for seconds that felt like minutes to Safiya. "Chicago. Visiting family."

    "Back to living your secret life, huh." She flicked open the bags to see what was in them, enough diapers to get her through next week. "You may not be fateful but consistent...you are." He dropped his head, clamping his hands around his waist. Safiya slapped her hand onto her face mentally cursing herself. "I'm sorry. I said I wouldn't do this."

     "I understand. I get it. I'm the one that should be sorry." He slowly picked up his head, eyes still closed. "I went to the club with friends that night.  Have a one night hookup with a girl and leave it at that. Go back to my wife, playhouse and forget about it." He turned to Safiya. "I wish that girl wasn't you...better yet I wish I knew you when I was seventeen."

     "I wasn't born." Safiya quipped.

    "And there lies the problem." He looked back into the bassinet. He leaned over it, taking Ameera into his arms. He cradled her against his chest. He stroked his hand over her plump cheeks then to her waves of black hair. "I remember your rule." Her rule, which she sent in a text yesterday, was more for Ameera than for him. A text she sent after witnessing Harmony's parents at Thanksgiving. "I'm here for my daughter and only my daughter, right." She nodded but he didn't see because he kept his eyes on Ameera. "She's stolen my heart...just like her mother."

    "Don't say that."

      "I thought you didn't want me to lie." He said and she rubbed the strain forming in her neck. "Go." He nodded to the stairs. "Get some rest. I'll take care of our daughter." He patted Ameera's diaper covered bottom.