Hidden within

Part 10

Vivian POV

When I wake up in the morning I feel refreshed. I go downstairs and start breakfast . I clean up the table from last night.

I set everything down and begin to eat. Many have come down and took food wherever. I finished and put everything away. I then went and got dressed. I went downstairs and helped everyone I needed into the orphanage's van.

I then drove to the mall making conversation with everyone. When I finally found a parking space, I helped everyone out of the van. I did a headcount and we were off. I took the younger children and gave money to the older ones. I then told everyone to be at the food court in two hours with something to wear at the funeral and nothing else or else. I then rounded the couple of little girls and went to Gymboree.

I helped them pick out appropriate things to wear for the funeral. I then paid for it all. That took a long time and I gathered all of them. I lead everyone to the food court. We sat down and waited for everyone else to show up. As we wait I ask all of them there favorite color etc. I just try to get to know them. After a while I get worried as know one has come to the food court. I check the time and see they should be here in the next twenty minutes.

We converse until the others come and we head towards the exit. While we go I continue to count making sure we have everyone. It gets a little hazy but we make it to the van. As I put everyone in I count and we're missing one. I start to panic. I start the car and put the radio on. I hurry into the mall and look around. I know we're missing a little one. I enter and see who I'm looking for.

I run and hug her. I don't wanna lose anyone else ever. I lead her to the van and buckle her in. I drive back to the orphanage. When we arrive I let everyone out before heading into my office.

I sit in my chair and hug my knees to my chest. Why did I think I could do this. I'm young and everyone is now counting on me. I can't stay here. I get up and grab my jacket. I go outside and walk. It's times like this I had someone to guide me and support me. But I'm me so alone I am.

It was late and I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to go back ever. But I have to so I walk back. I enter silently and went to my room. Once I enter I let the sob come out. It's all been to much and I can't suppress it anymore. I'm to tired to suppress it. Pain consumes me. Feelings overwhelm me. Grief, Anger, Hurt and many more emotions.

It's to much to handle. I'm not supposed to be here. I shouldn't be here. I should be where I belong. I shake the bad thoughts out of my head and went to take a shower. I turned it on and got in. I just sat letting the water run all over me.

When I decided to get out I dried off and got into bed. I fell asleep.

*************

I awoke to little kids jumping on me. I smiled before getting up and jumping with them on my bed. I went downstairs and cooked breakfast since it was like 9 in the morning.

I set it on the table and made some coffee as everyone ate. I smiled and went to change. I changed into some regular clothes and grabbed my purse. I head out in search of work. Anything that will get my mind off stuff and bring in money. My savings won't last forever. I walk around looking for a help wanted sign. I found a couple and applied. Three waitress jobs and another at a book store. I was just being safe in case some don't call back.

I got back to the orphanage and since it had gotten late afternoon I started dinner. Some different types of soup and then some grill cheese cut up in half. When I was finished I set up and called everyone down for dinner. I then made sure everyone had enough and started to wash the dishes. There were still some from breakfast so I started with those and then did the ones that were coming in from dinner. I finished and put them into the dishwasher. After everyone was finished I cleaned up after them.

I didn't mind though. I secretly liked to do housework. Not everyday but once in a while. I picked up a little around the house and changed the laundry. I folded the now dry clothes and put them in a basket. I went to deliver them to the door of there owners.

I then went and cleaned up my room from last night. I placed everything where it was supposed to be. It was getting late so I went into my office and pulled out my to do list. I crossed some things out before calling the hospital. I needed to know when they can send Mrs.Anderson to the funeral home. I had sent the outfit she had wanted to the funeral home to get her dressed. They sent her over. I smiled and thanked them.

I then made a list of things I'd need to bring to the funeral. Her younger sister and her family were flying in. They were her only family alive. The funeral was in a couple days.

We were gonna have a open casket and then bury her. Some speeches and then some food afterwards at the orphanage.

I was dreading this.