Conflict Of Interest

Chapter 5: Conflicts

"Night." I said to Scott

Then I headed back to my room. Tonight seemed to be a quiet night and I hoped that is how it would stay. I walked into my room and shut the door, I shut off the cameras and I got changed into my silk night gown. I tossed my robe on too. I turned on the cameras once again, I started to play music on my CD player so it would drown out anything around me. I listened to Skillet a lot but one song related to me very well, in some ways

"You come to me with scares on your wrist, you tell me this will be the last night felling like this." Sang John Cooper, the lead singer and base player

"I just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine." Sang Korey Cooper, who does guitar, keyboard/piano, and backup vocals on many songs, and is also John's wife

"But I know it's a lie." They both sang

I had a horrible past with cutting, though that's another story, and this song with the meaning behind it helped me get through my darkest times. It's been hard not to pick up the blade again since I've been with Scott, it wasn't just my writs but other parts that were easy to hide. I tried to hide my past from everyone

I laid on my bed looking at the scares on my body and I could remember each one, how they happened. The memories hunted my mind and Scott knows about my bad habit. He's seen the scars so it was hard to lie to him about it. Just something else that could be used against me. The song continued to play and I just listened, it was a song that I enjoyed and loved. I laid there thinking that tonight might be the first night in a while that things will be calm

"The last night away from me, away from me." I sang at the same time the John did

I guess I didn't hear my door open because I was so caught up in the song

"Such and inspirational song." Scott said as he stood in my door way

His voice was soft like it used to be when we started dating. I snapped up from my lying position and I sat up. My heart jumped

"For some one like you." He added

His voice changed from soft and gentle to angry and harsh. I sat there not saying a word because he was talking about my past. I guess things were too good to be true

"You're weak." He spat

"How?" I asked

"Trying to take yourself out. Not facing your problems." He spat

"It's not weakness." I said

"Bullshit."

He came into my room and I stood up to face him, stopped right in front of me. I got out of bed and stood there

"Please get out I'm going to bed." I said as I gently pushed him away

"No." He said

He grabbed my wrists. I whimpered in pain. His grip was strong and painful. He let go and tossed me on the bed. I was light to him. He came on the bed with me and he dominated my body, straddling me, pining me to the bed making me feel uncomfortable. The smell of alcohol oozed off of his breath. I wanted to be sick

"Scott." I said as I struggled in his grip

"What don't like it?"

He traced his nose up and down my neck making my body tingle. He slowly started to kiss my neck and I arched my back giving him satisfaction. He took off my robe. He pined my arms above my head and snaked one of his hands up my night gown, he slowly ran his hand up and down my body. He caught my mouth in a kiss as his hand explored my chest and I felt digested. I could taste the alcohol he drank and it made me feel even more sick. He took his mouth off of mine but kept his hands in place. I moved but couldn't get lose. I wanted to be sick so badly. I could feel the vomit slowly making it's way up

"You like it." He whispered in my ear

"No get off." I yelled

He took his one hand from beneath my gown and placed it over my mouth to stop my yelling. His other hand released my wrists, and I knew not to move them. His free hand went to his pocket and pulled out a mini pocket knife. He made sure I was able to see it so I know if I do anything wrong he will cut me. My eyes went wide. He took his hand off my mouth and he took off my night gown and I obeyed

He placed his hand beside me as the other one still held the blade. He kissed my body everywhere he wanted and all I could do was whimper in fear. He slowly made his way down my body and I knew exactly what he was going to do and he did exactly what I thought he was going to do. Still all I could do was let him do it. He slowly made his way back up to my body. He smiled evilly

"What are you doing?" I asked in fear

"Making you relive your past." He said in a dark voice

I realized what he was doing but it was too late. He took the blade and cut open where one my scars were

"Stop!" I cried in pain

"Are you weak?" He asked

"No!" I cried

"Seems like we're having some conflicts." He said

This time he cut 2 more times and they stung like crazy

"Are you weak?" He asked again

This time I had to give in I couldn't take it anymore

"Yes." I cried

"Good." He said

He put the blade back in his pocket. While he was distracted I grabbed my radio and when I sat up, I hit him in the head with the radio causing him to pass out. He hit the ground with a thud. My legs were numb but I seen the blood dripping down my thighs. The metallic smell stung my nose and it made ma gag. I managed to get up and walk to the bathroom to dress my wounds. I cleaned them and placed band aids on them. I was able to move Scott's body to the other room, though I have no clue how I was able to move it. I guess it's because I feel numb

A while after the abuse started I didn't sleep in the same bed as Scott. He would be so drunk at times that he would just pass out on the couch. We had a two bedroom apartment so if he didn't pass out on the couch he would stay in the other room. Once his body was in the other room I went back to bed. I tried to sleep but I didn't sleep much. I cried myself to sleep. This was the worst I've ever seen him act and I know now that I have to leave soon or else I could end up in the hospital or even worse, dead