Lost and Found

I don't care

     

  A few weeks later.......................................................

"Have a happy holiday!" Mr. Tod says over the speakers.

I roll my eyes and wait for the bell to ring.

After what happened a couple weeks back Alec has kept his distance from me. I was relieved but sort of sad at the same time. I was relieved that he wasn't trying to become my friend anymore, but kind of sad that he gave up after one fight. He still sat next to me in all of my core classes, but as soon as the bell rang he was gone.

I snap out of my thoughts as the bell rings and I open the door to escape this hell. I walk over to my car and see Lucas waiting by the car. Ever since that talk he's taken to using my car instead of his own. He drives in the morning and I drive back. We don't really talk because we have nothing to say and I have nothing too. I'm not going to hold his hand and coax him to say the right things. He needs to learn that for himself. I unlock the car and slide into the driver's seat. I've begun to park closer because people know not to destroy my car because they know that 'Lucas Holt's car.'

I turn on my butt warmer because it's freaking cold outside and even the short minute walk is enough to make my nose turn red. I turn on the radio and listen to Christmas music play. The talk show host says something about Christmas being one of the days where the rate of suicide dips.

I give a bitter smile and roll my eyes as I change the station. Lucas's hand shoots out to stop mine. I glare at him but give up deciding that it's not worth it. I tune out everything and begin to think about how everyone is happy and with their families and my family don't even notice me. I get gifts sure, but just gift cards; never clothes or things that make people remind them of me. Sure it's still a gift and money; I'm not trying to sound like an ungrateful bitch. But it would be nice to have some clothes that people give to me or a small notebook, or bracelet. Or anything that is something besides a gift card. I want a gift that has something more meaning behind it than just money. My grandma always knits Luca a sweater and gives me a gift card.

I didn't realize that I was crying until Luke shook my arm gently and I realized that I was in the driveway. I get out of the car and wait for him to get out so I can lock the car. He tries to quickly make his way towards me but I quickly open the front door. Taking off my shoes I rush up the stairs and lock my door. I here Luke's footsteps and open the door to give him a brief message.

"I'm fine and you can leave me alone," I say before closing the door.

I turn to close the door but his shoe stops before the door can click shut. I turn to walk to my bathroom not caring to run. His hand grips my wrist and I turn to give him a glare.

"I need to pee," I say like I'm talking to a five year old.

"No you don't," he gives me an 'are you serious' look.

"I had 24 ounces of water and my bladder is going to explode," I say in a matter of fact tone.

His eyes widen and he releases my wrist.

After doing my business I open the door and find Luke swirling in my chair.

"Say what you came here to say and then leave," I say in a flat voice.

"Why?" he simply said.

"Why what?" I snap.

"Why are you like this, why did this happen, why are we like this?" He emphasizes as he stands up.