Time Of My Life (A Forever Series Spinoff)

Chapter 5: Cant Do It

It took me almost twice as long as normal to get out of bed today in anticipation of what was to come. After dragging myself out of the comfort of my blankets, I tossed on a loose pair of sweats and shirt, not trying to impress anybody with my appearance right now. I hadn't bothered with makeup either, knowing that I'd cry it all off.

Pattie picked me up and I climbed into the car silently. Nobody spoke and the atmosphere was dark. Today was the day.

Today, I was 16 weeks pregnant and heading to the clinic for an abortion.

Justin wouldn't look at me. He was probably not supporting my decision, although he's the one who had gave me the idea in the first place. I wished he was a little more caring even if he thought this was a bad choice because right now I just needed somebody to hold my hand and tell me it would be okay.

Unfortunately, Justin wouldn't be that person for me today.

It seemed like we were only driving for seconds when we pulled up to the clinic and Pattie stopped at the front door. It made me regret not taking the bus because the ride usually took 40 minutes and I needed every minute possible before going inside.

But I didn't have that chance.

"Do you need me to come inside?" I looked up and made eye contact with Pattie. She looked genuinely concerned for my mental state.

I shook my head and glanced over to Justin who was now staring at me with blurry eyes. He was biting the inside of his cheek to prevent the tears from leaving. He wasn't going to say anything to me, so I pushed open the door and got out.

The 5 foot cement pathway that led to the door would be easily conquered in 2 steps, but I took smaller ones, managing to make it 4 instead. I tugged open the door and waved to Pattie.

While I was in the clinic, they were going to go get some food. I didn't mind them not being here, I didn't need the sympathy.

The receptionist looked up from her computer expecting to be welcomed with a smile, but instead she was met with my upsetting frown and sad, puffy eyes.

"Gabby?" She didn't really need me to respond because my eyes watered, "Okay, Hun." She stood up and walked around the desk, "Come with me." I followed her down the hall and past all the rooms that I had become used to. she kept going until we reached the very last room and held the door open for me, "The doctor is just finishing up his appointment. He'll be in when he's done." She then handed me a thin paper dress and asked me to change into it.

I nodded and she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. I slid onto the massive bed and kicked off my pants, then pulled my shirt over my head, ditching my underwear too. I left my bra on, assuming that didn't matter. By the time I slipped the gown on, Dr.Jordan was knocking on the door and I was calling to let him in.

Immediately, I noticed his clothing change. Instead on his usual suit and white coat, he was wearing dark blue scrubs, like a nurse would wear he also had a face mask hanging off one ear and he was sporting thick glasses.

"Hey Gabby," He was talking to me like it was just another appointment and that what would happen through the next hour wasn't terrible. It was then that I realized how he didn't feel connected to my baby the way I did, so it was just a procedure to him. He had done so many of them before that he could probably do it with his eyes closed, "How do you feel?"

I shrugged and it my cheek, doing all I could to keep tears from leaving my eyes.

He settled himself into a swivelling chair and turned his whole body to face me, "Before I walk you through what's going to happen I need to ask you some questions. Is that alright?"

I quickly nodded, just wanting this day to be over so I could pretend it wasn't real. That none of this had really happened.

"Why did you decide on an abortion?"

I took a deep breath and shrugged, "It's easiest. I can go back to normal as long as I don't have a kid."

He seemed to not like my answer. He slid his glasses off his face and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and fingers. After a few seconds of silence he sighed, "Getting an abortion won't make it like you never got pregnant. It won't be easy. I've seen women who go through with this and then have to be on medication because they don't agree with their decisions."

I felt like my chest was tightening and I couldn't breathe. Finally, I found my voice and began to shake my head, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you're doing this for somebody else. Is the father pressuring you to do this?" I shook my head but knew he was right. It wasn't what I really wanted.

It was what everybody else would want. Chaz wouldn't want to be a father. Justin wouldn't want to help me raise a baby. My mom would kick me out, not wanting her precious daughter to have a baby at my age.

"Who are you doing this for then?" He tilted his head to the side, "You came in last week and found out the gender. You told me then that you didn't want an abortion." He was looking at me so closely I thought he could see right through me, "Something happened between then and now, what was it?"

I couldn't tell him that Justin had made me decide. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud that Justin was the one who led me to the decision because once it was said out loud, I couldn't take it back. Instead, I bit my tongue and shrugged, "I realized what I'll be missing out on."

"What about if you do this?" He must have seen the confused look on my face so he elaborated, "What are you missing out on if you do this? You'll never feel your son move. You'll never see him smile. You'll never see him walk. That was important to you last week."

I shook my head, "He moved." I looked through my eyelashes and bit my bottom lip, "I felt him move."

Dr.Jordan gave me a small smile and reached out to take one of the fisted hands from my lap, "You don't want this, do you?"

The tears finally fell from my eyes and I shook my head. No, I didn't want this, "I want him." I whispered like the words could hurt somebody. I swallowed and said it a little louder, "I want to keep him."

He was smiling at me as I cried like a baby. My stomach hurt and my chest burned. Every muscle in my body was completely exhausted and I was ready to climb into bed and sleep for a week.

Then I realized that keeping him meant telling people. My mom would disown me - or she will then she'll insist on me marrying Chaz . Justin will stop pursuing a music career to help with this kid even though it isn't his. I was about to ruin everybody's lives.

"Can you help me convince them I got it done?" I hadn't even noticed my words were processing until they were out and I was a little surprised at the thought I had made. I elaborated, "I don't want them to know I'm pregnant. All my friends will give everything up to help with this kid and I don't want that."

He was nodding but his voice remained absent.

"Just keep me for the time you normally would and they won't think twice." When he still hadn't spoken I sighed, "Please." I had never been one to beg, but I was willing to do it for this. I needed him to play along with my scheme. Ill figure out the rest later.

It took a while, but finally, he nodded and sighed, "Okay. I'll keep you here for the normal procedure length, but keep in mind a baby isn't easy to hide."

I nodded and he sent me to another room to wait.

******

When Justin and his mom finally picked me up, I acted tired and sad hoping they wouldn't notice my hands gravitating to my belly. I wanted to grip it, and I probably could have. They would have thought I was clinging to the only thing left of him, but I held back and kept my hands fisted in my lap.

Justin kept his hand rested on the seat between us in case I wanted to reach out for him, but I couldn't. Not now. My heart was racing too fast that touching him would just make it worse, and not because I was attracted to him or anything, but because I was going to have to play off the biggest lie Ill ever tell. 

And I had to figure out a way to execute it without anybody else finding out about the baby that was still growing inside me.