Coming Down

Tell

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Chapter Fourteen:  Tell

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When the twelfth afternoon finally came, I was on Michael’s couch with my head resting in his lap. I stared into nothing and we just sat there in silence.

Michael’s phone shifted a centimetre on the table, vibrating loudly.

He leaned forward just enough to grab his phone and checked the image on the front.

“It’s Geoff.”

He hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Hey.”

I could hear Geoff say something and Michael glanced over to me.

“No, he’s still with me. We uh… We went to the hospital for a check-up.”

There was a long silence and I could make out Geoff asking if I was okay.

He paused and chewed on his bottom lip.

“No. No he’s not.”

There was another pause and Geoff was speaking quietly now.

“I’ll try.”

He lowered the phone to me.

“Gavin… Geoff wants to talk to you.”

I swallowed, but reached up and took the phone. My voice cracked.

“Geoff.”

“Gavin… What did the doctors say?”

I hesitated, remembering that I hadn’t told him I had an option of surgery.

“I have two weeks to live.”

There was a long pause of silence, and I could feel Michael’s eyes focused on me. Then Geoff started to shout.

“Fuck! Fucking, dicks, fuck! FUCK!”

I could hear Ray in the background, asking Geoff “what the fuck was going on” and trying to calm him down.

I heard Geoff whisper, his voice defeated and broken.

“You need to tell them. I can’t do it. I just- Fuck.”

The call ended suddenly and I gave Michael his phone back.

“You okay Gav?”

I let out the breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

“I need to tell the others.”

~~~~~~~

I stood in the office, Michael next to me.

“Are you sure you can do this? I can always do it for you.”

I shook my head.

Ray came in, with Kara, Jack, Ryan, Caleb, Barbara and everyone else trailing behind him.

He exhaled loudly.

“Alright man, I brought everyone…” He glanced around, “Except Geoff. He uh… Was in a bad mood and said he needed a drink.”

I looked away nervously at this and I swallowed.

“So what’s up Gav, why’d you want everyone here?” Barbara tilted her head, confused.

I breathed in and began to talk, shaky and stammering.

“Remember when… Remember when you guys made me go to the doctors? And I came back, and said everything was fine?”

Everyone nodded.

“Well… I lied.”

A confused look passed across every face in the room, and I watched them glance at each other.

“Not everything was fine. In fact um…” I let out sad laugh, “Nothing was fine.”

I rubbed at my face, feeling the tears that were beginning to fall.

“I have a… I have a condition. A brain disease, I guess. It’s uh… It’s destroying my nervous system. At the time, the doctor said I had maybe, four to six months to live.”

I could hear the murmurs in the room growing and I could see the shock and sadness beginning to form.

“I was originally not going to tell any of you, because I believed you guys would be fine without me. Besides, it’s a few months. If I did say something, it wouldn’t have to be right away. But when I went to the hospital for a check-up… Something had happened.”

Kara had a hand over her mouth now, and tears were beginning to fall. Barbara pulled her into a hug, wiping at her own eyes.

I took another deep breath and continued.

“The disease had sped up. It had spread faster than expected. And now I have two weeks to live.”

Burnie shook his head in disbelief, and Jack sat down on one of the chairs, muttering to himself.

Gus began to back out of the room.

“I can’t… I need to leave.” He turned and sprinted out of the room.

I stared at my feet and I heard people leave the room, either not wanting to cry in front of me, or refusing to believe it.

In the end, it was just me, Michael and Ray.

Ray looked past me.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Did you think we wouldn’t care?”

I stood in silence.

“I’m sorry, Ray.”

He shook his head.

“Sorry won’t keep you here.”

I felt his arms go around me in a quick hug and then he left.

I felt my whole body shaking and I began to sob.

I dropped down to my knees, and I cried like a baby. Michael kept his arms around me, and he didn’t say a word.

He just held me, and let my cry into his shoulder.

After a while he began to whisper.

“It’s okay Gav. I love you. I’m here. I love you so much.”

I cried harder, managing out a few words through my tears.

“Why do you have to love me? I’m hurting you, why do you have to love me?”

He rocked me gently in his arms.

“I don’t know. I just do.”

I hid my face in his shoulder.

“I love you, Michael. I’m so sorry.”

I felt him shake, his own tears forming.

“Please take the operation Gav. Take the god damn fucking operation.”

He held me close to him and I whispered.

“Okay.”