Coming Down

Leave

———

Chapter Eleven: Leave

———

On the eleventh afternoon, I was on Michael’s couch, a carton of Chinese take-out sat on my knees.

Michael looked up at me between mouthfuls. He spoke softly, choosing his words carefully.

“So uh… Does anyone else… know?”

I moved my carton to the table in front of me, tucking my knees up to my chest.

“Geoff and Griffon know…” I paused, slightly shaky, “And Millie. Millie knows.”

He stared at the ground, confused and concerned.

“How did they find out? And how did Millie take it?”

I shook my head, shuddering at the memory of the bottle of pills. I swallowed nervously.

“Griffon was the first to find out. She uh… She found me.”

“Found you?”

I looked up at him cautiously.

“She found me with a bottle of pills, Michael.”

I watched his face fall suddenly, and he looked away.

“Oh.”

He moved his carton next to mine and ran a hand through his curls.

“Shit…”

I moved on quickly.

“Griffon told Geoff. He uh… He didn’t take it too well.”

I let out a sad laugh.

“And then Millie came into my room. And she says to me… She says, “What’s a nervous system? And what happens when a nervous system fails?””

I watch Michael’s jaw drop the slightest and I can tell he knows where this is going.

“And then Geoff comes in. And he sees Millie next to me and I watch him just stand there, like he doesn’t know what to do. And then I passed out.”

“You… Passed out?”

“Stress has a harsher effect on me than it used to.”

He puts an arm around me and he’s shaking the slightest.

“I’m so sorry Gavin. I just… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay.”

We sat in silence for a moment, before he spoke up again.

“Does it hurt?”

I nodded, knowing what he meant.

“It randomly happens. It feels like I’m getting shot. It’s just this searing pain, and it’s like the inside of my head is on fire.”

He bit his lip, and I could see him questioning whether or not to ask something else.

“Whatever it is Michael, just ask it.”

He looked at me, sadness on his face.

“You aren’t going to take the operation, are you?”

I sighed and I looked away.

“What’s the point now? Everyone would be better off without me, and you know it.”

“That’s not true. We’d all miss you, and things just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

I could feel the tears beginning to form.

“Then why does everyone say shit about me? Even you! You would be better off.”

“Gav…” He hesitated, before shutting his mouth.

We sat in silence for a minute before he spoke again.

“I think you should leave.”

I blinked.

“What?”

“Just go already.”

“But-”

“I told you, just go!”

I could hear the snap in his voice, so I stood up quickly, the tears beginning to fall.

“I’m sorry.”