Noble Deeds (Demo)

Perpetual Motion (3/3)

  The moon hung to the sky for dear life; hung onto it and begged the sky to never let go, as if it were afraid to come crashing down into the mere cities beneath it; as if the landslide would bring it down in all its former glory; in fear that the sun would laugh at him in the predicament he was about to get himself into. Luckily, for me, for Carmen, and for every human being who didn't go on the Mars One mission, the sky had mercy on the rocky satellite and kept it in its rightful place, and when the sun came rumbling in, he'd have no face to derisively and intimidatingly laugh into, as he takes pride and joy in doing.
  It was scary to even bring up the thought of those Mars One folks. The miracles of long-distance communication didn't work where they were going. No one thought it through, and it's a shame to think that there are people who were cared about by their families; some famous actors who were cared about by entire countries, that hopped into that plane, never to be seen by the public earthling eye ever again. 
  It was even scarier to think that this process happens in our own minds every day. We hold onto certain thoughts and keep them as part of us, and then, one day, they fly far away from our memories, never to be seen, heard of, or thought of, ever again. Anyone who knew how many thoughts a human lets go of in a single day (which averages to be somewhere around 39,000) would honor the merciful sky for not letting go of the moon.
  But this night I had experienced with Carmen was a bundle of thoughts that would never find themselves in that daily expedition of 39,000 thoughts that would take themselves away to a different place to start a society where no one would know if they failed or succeeded until years after they were dead.

  The night was tranquil and inactive, like a stillness upon a great sea, barely rippling here and bubbling there with the sounds and signs of life. Rightfully so, we were contributions to that inactivity. One can do no more than sit down and rest after treating himself to pizza and wine; frankly, I felt a tad guilty that I barely had the will to make tea. The couch welcomed me and embraced me like a mother does her children, and the television brimmed with more life and energy than I was willing to give. I contemplated whether I even needed the chamomile that night as Carmen walked by.

  "Wow, Don, aren't you going to take off the lab coat? You're not even remotely doing any work at all, get out of character every once and a while," giggled Carmen, hardly believing that I wasn't joking when my response followed.
  "I am at my happiest behind these lapels. If I had the choice, I'd never take it off."
  "I mean.. are you at least going to take off the scarf? I'll put it up for you, just, please, your neck has to be killing you!"
  "I've spent the past eight years of my life wearing a scarf from the time I head to work to the time I go to bed. I'm used to it, really."
  "Even in the summer?"
  "Of course!"
  "What's the point of avoiding the cold if there's no cold around?"
  "Aye, avoiding the cold is merely an added bonus, dearie," I wiped the lenses of my glasses with the left lapel of my lab coat as I prodded every word with a dash of pride.
  "So, is that just.. who you are?"
  "Quite indeed."
  "You need to settle a bit. It's part of life."
  "Why should I ever let myself get into a point where I'm not constantly on my toes? I feel I'm better off if I'm constantly aware of my surroundings."
  "That doesn't really have anything to do with it, with the extremities you're taking it to. Do you.. feel like you've led a successful life?"
  "Why, yes, of course, I've graduated from college, gotten a job I'm great at and love doing, and I've been able to make a sufficient income for my living. What else would I need?"
  "Well, is there anything you'd.. want to do?"
  "Well, I have some things I'd like to do at some point, but perhaps I should wait until I've established more of a financial base before going into that."
  "Oh, really? What things would you like to do?"
  "Well..." I began. I hadn't actually thought about what else I wanted to do with my life besides living it the way society wanted me to live it. Frankly, I wasn't unhappy with their paradigm, and because of that, I guess I've never questioned this of myself.
  "Well.. First off, I want to move into a real house that I can call my own. I'm almost at that point, actually. After that, I.. guess I don't really know.. I suppose I'd fancy having a child in the distant future, perhaps I should travel a few places before that happens; maybe go out of the country for the first time.. I've never seen a concert before.. I've never done a lot of things before, maybe I should make a list of those things.. maybe make some plans to do some of the things I'd never thought I'd do. I hadn't ever really thought about getting married, or anything like that, right now. I had always thought of doing that down the road, but.."
  "If you want kids, you don't want to wait too long.."
  "Oh, I know, I suppose I should've thought about these things earlier.. I've just never taken the time, nor the opportunity, to think much about things outside of my job. Now that I.. think about it, there's already so many opportunities I've missed.."
  "Don't think about it like that, it's clear to me that you've enjoyed your life up to now, so isn't that all that matters?"
  "..Well, I suppose, but.. if I'm going to have a child, there's only so many things I can do between now and then.."
  "..Don, having children isn't the end of your life. You can still do some of those things after you have kids; maybe you can let them experience that with you.. so that they don't end up sitting here on a couch watching television after pizza and wine, thinking about how they've never done much outside of obsessing over their wonderful job.."
  "Oh, Carmen, don't do this.. You're making me feel like.. I don't know, I guess, like I've been living my life the wrong way this whole time.."
  "There is no right way to live life, just as long as you're living it how you want to live it. And there's so much time to do so many things, but that time goes away fast if you don't make the most of it.."
  "...Have you thought about all this stuff?"
  "Of course I have.. I mean, not having a job, the only thing I can really do is think. And, being 22, I felt like I had to, I guess. I have a lot of things I want to see in life, but mostly, I agree with you. I do want to have kids; I don't know how many, and I do think I should have moved into a house before I do that..I just don't know how I'm gonna get there without a job.."
  "I'd have two. That's how many I want. Not too many to keep track of on our behalf, but I was an only child, and I didn't have anyone my age to talk to until high school, and even then, the people who weren't sheer assholes to me never got very personal with me. I wouldn't want to wish that upon anyone. Having a sibling who understands you; who goes through your experiences with you as you go through their experiences with them.. it must be a blessing.."
  "Not that much. Siblings are pains to live with. I would've rather lived alone all my life than with my sister. It's better to sit alone in a room with no one to share your feelings with than to have someone throwing shit at you when you're trying to do anything important."
  "Aye, it's worth it in the end, in my eyes."
  "I.. guess you're right. That childishness all ends one day; we can't all be children forever. I guess I'd want two."

  I guess it was time to admit it. I had felt it in the back of my mind; I wasn't even sure if it was love that I felt, but it was unlike anything I'd ever felt. It wasn't overpowering, but it was impossible to keep away.

  "You know.. Carmen, we share a lot of the same interests.. the same life plans.. and we've established before that we.. feel.. comfortable around each other, and.. and.. and I think that.. Well, I don't exactly know what I think, but I've had this feeling in the back of my mind that I haven't been able to get away with for the longest time, and.. I think I like you?" I muttered. I wasn't even sure of the words I was speaking. I felt great to get it off my chest, but catastrophic at the same time.

  I was a fool. A damn fool. I couldn't understand why I had felt this way; I've only known her a few weeks, we've hardly done anything together, and here I am telling her that I have feelings for her.

  What the hell is my problem?

  "Don.. I'm not sure if I can confirm if that's mutual or not, honestly. I don't have that feeling towards you, but tonight, while we were talking, I felt that.. that spark. Like there was something between us that I'd never feel with anyone else. Perhaps it was friendship, perhaps it was something else, but.. I don't want to go into anything blindly.."
  "Neither do I."
  "Maybe.. I don't know, I don't want to go into something that I don't know for certain is true, but if it is true, I don't want to miss out on it... Should we.. try it out?"

  "..What do you mean?"
  "Should we try.. being dating partners for a little while? Explore it a little bit? If there is something, we'll find it, and if there isn't, then we can move on without worrying about it. It seems we're both concerned about how we feel for each other, and it would help the both of us for some certainty."
  "..W.. Why, of course! I.. Thank you for being so.. open about this, I didn't think.."
  "Nonono, thank you, I was feeling curious as well, I'm just as blind as you are.."

  Was this happening? I wasn't sure what was going on. Did she just.. Did we just establish a common ground and agree to being in a relationship? Did I just do that?

  Oh, my God, I just fell into a relationship!

    Perhaps nothing's there,' I thought, 'perhaps I shouldn't get too frenetic about something like this..' It took me a few seconds at least to recover my ability to speak without evidence of an overwhelming effect.

"Well then, my dearest," I grinned, not out of pride and contentment, but out of affection, "let us conduct an experiment."