But First, Coffee

Holy Matrimony

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Oh, buck up! You look great, and you're gonna kill it!" Anna shot me a reassuring smile.

We had been parked out front of the venue for the last ten minutes and I couldn't get up the courage to exit the car. Anna was being far more patient than I had expected her to be,

"I shouldn't be here, he didn't want me here. Maybe you should just go in and I'll wait-"

"Enough Savannah! You're going in!" She hopped out of the car and came along the side of my door before yanking it open and pulling me out with a tumble,

"OW."

She shrugged, dusting her hands off, "You were being kind of a baby."

"Wow, thanks."

Anna just smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the entrance of the building, "You'll survive."

It was an outdoor wedding, held in the middle of one of the ranches near the farming district of our town. We followed twinkle lights that had been strung between old barn houses. The led the way to a clearing of tables. Little white dining areas had been covered with light blue clothes and were littering the field. Families and guests had taken their seats, all chatting among themselves and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. Farther up ahead were rows of white chairs and a white alter, covered in yellow roses. And it was suddenly dawning on me, I was going to watch my best friend get married,

"I honestly don't know if I can stomach this." I mumbled to Anna.

She eyed me and tightened her grip on my wrist, "Suck it up."

She dragged me to an empty table and I gratefully took my seat. Doing my best to shake away my nerves I took a long drink from the glass of water placed in front of me. Feeling faint, I looked around the party; I recognized Taylors sisters whom waved me over vigorously after catching their eye. Anna, noticing, smiled and gave me a push towards their table,

"I'll be right here if you need me." She reassured.

Nodding, I pulled myself together and headed towards the younger girls, "Hey guys."

"Oh, Savannah you look amazing!" Taylors younger sister, Emily smiled brightly.

"Yah, you're so pretty!" Ginny added tugging lightly on one of my curled hair pieces in admiration.

Both girls looked great as well and I fondly squeezed their shoulders. Emily was a Freshman in high school who had often come to me with problems throughout my Senior year. She was shy and still learning her place, but she was very open with me and I loved her for that. While Ginny on the other hand, was in 8th grade and couldn't stop asking me questions about my personal life. They were both great girls who I had been missing greatly; something I would have to get used to,

"You both look fantastic, the green really brings out your eyes," I mentioned to Emily who blushed and looked down, "And Ginny! Your hair is so lovely! How did you get to hold like that?"

She smiled brightly and waved a hand, "Oh, I don't know."

"Bottles of hair spray." Emily whispered to me.

I laughed, "Oh, I miss you two."

"So do we!" Emily smiled, sadly.

"Yah, I wish Taylor was marrying you instead of... Julie."

"Oh well-"

Emily cut me off, shaking her head, "Seriously, you would be such a better sister."

Ginny nodded in agreement, "That and we actually like you."

Uncomfortable I just shrugged, "I mean, but Julie makes Taylor happy and that's what matters, right?"

They exchanged glances, "Sure... if that what you call making happy."

They pointed to a tall blonde boy pacing behind one of the barns. I sighed, excusing myself against my better judgement, "I'll be back."

I slowly trialed over towards Taylor, my heart thumping erratically, "Hey..." I mumbled softly, very aware that this would be the first time we had spoken in a while.

Taylors head shot up to meet my eyes, "Sav..."

"Sorry, you just looked nervous. I wanted to make sure you were ok. And I know I shouldn't be here, I just... Anna kind of forced me to come as her date. And I know we didn't exactly end on good terms last time but I guess I'm just trying to say, I'm happy if your happy, which I know doesn't matter at all. But just so you know, I'm happy for you." I rambled, avoiding eye contact with Taylor.

I glanced at him quickly and saw the surprise covering his face. With sadness, deep in his eyes, he shook his head lightly, "I'm sorry, Sav."

Forcing a smile, I responded, "You don't have anything to be sorry for. We're just friends and this is your big day! You should be excited!" my voice cracked as tears began to well in my eyes, "Sorry, I've got to go. Seriously, congratulations."

Shooting him one last smile, I began to walk away as Taylor stared at me. Quickly, I turned into the open building where the reception would be held and headed towards the first bathroom I could find. I practically crashed into the stall as tears poured from my eyes.

I mentally chastised myself on being stronger but I could stop the overwhelming emotions I felt for Taylor. My insides hurt as if my own heart was about to fall out of my chest. I just couldn't believe my best... the boy I loved was getting married. My sniffling became quieter as I sat on the edge of the toilet seat.

I knew I shouldn't have come.

Sighing, I pushed myself out of the stall and made a quick fix of my makeup. Besides the splotchy redness and puffy eyes, I looked fine. I could chalk it up to allegories if anyone asked. I made my way back into the hallway and towards the party. As I turned the corner I ran into Anna who took one look at my face and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the first empty room she saw. Anna shut the door behind us and regarded me with sympathy,

"Are you ok?"

I shook my head, "Anna, this is all too much."

"What's wrong?"

My breathing became shaky, "He just... Taylor means everything to me. And I can't sit idly by and watch him marry someone else. I can't do it. I can't."

Anna's face softened, "Oh, Savannah..."

"I know its dumb. I'm fine. Really, I'm just gonna wait outside until it's over. I'll feel worse if you miss it because of me."

"Are you sure?"

I wiped beneath my eyes, "I'm sorry."

Anna shook her head, "I'll just watch the ceremony and we can go."

I agreed, following her out of the room. Anna squeezed my hand as she trialed behind the crowd towards the ceremony. We took different paths as I turned, heading behind the barn and towards the white bridge overlooking the pond. My heart broke more and more as I waited for Anna.

I was a mess.