LJ10

LJ10 - Part 27

„That would be an amazing wedding song though," she grinned and kept laughing softly. „The dance floor would be on fire."

„That's probably true," I couldn't help myself but smile as well when I saw her this carefree. Her laugh subsided though and and I saw her facial expression change into a more thoughtful one.

„I don't really know what our song would be," Lauren answered gently and I noticed the hesitancy in her words. „We'd have to...think about it, I guess."

„Yeah...maybe we should," I said quietly and there was a mixture of surprise and delight emanating from her eyes. My pulse was still going through the roof at that point because I wasn't as subtle as I wanted to be in regards to my thoughts but apparently she wasn't freaked out. Perhaps this was something she had felt before I had? I remembered her mentioning the topic several times but I didn't want to get ahead of myself.

For now I focused on us dancing together and her leaning in for a kiss. I reciprocated just as tenderly before putting my head on her shoulder again.

We enjoyed ourselves greatly and the party was just as perfectly executed as the ceremony before. However, at a certain point during the night, I noticed a shift in Lauren's mood. She became less talkative and somewhat fidgety. It appeared to me that she was nervous but I couldn't put my finger on it. Sitting at our table, everyone was engaged in a loud conversation whereas my girlfriend stared off or looked at the floor.

Taking a closer look, her hands were balled into fists and I started to get worried that something was wrong.

„Hey," I said softly to get her attention which I did. „Are you alright?"

„I'm just going to go outside for a minute," Lauren explained. „I need some fresh air. Do you want to come?"

„Sure," I replied without hesitation and got up with her.

I followed her outside and there was a big patio where only a few people were talking and smoking. We looked for a quiet corner and found a spot further out where no one was around. Lauren breathed in deeply and I was convinced that something was going on. However, I didn't want to pressure her and let her calm down. But I could only do so much and when she didn't speak up after a while, I had to take the initiative.

„Lauren, are you okay?"

„Yeah, just needed some fresh air," she said.

„Don't lie to me," I countered but in a gentle voice so she wouldn't feel attacked.

„I don't want you to worry," Lauren pouted a little.

„Trust me, I'm more worried if you don't tell me what's going," I explained genuinely as she sighed.

„I was feeling anxious in there," my girlfriend revealed and I could see her wanting to downplay what she felt. „It's not a big deal but sometimes...I get some anxiety around that much drinking. I'm fine usually and I don't want you to feel like you can't do that around me. But I haven't been around this many people with that much alcohol...or this many drunk people, I guess. It's the getting completely wasted part that still triggers something inside of me. I'm...I'm sorry."

„Why are you apologizing?" I asked utterly shocked. „You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't say this a lot but I'm so proud of you, Lauren. What you're doing is not easy. Any recovery isn't easy. Yet you're so far along that I honestly forget sometimes that this was an issue for you."

„I don't want you to feel sorry for me," the other soccer player groaned and I approached her quickly to put my arms around her waist.

„I don't feel sorry for you," I disagreed and looked for her to meet my eyes. „Look at me. I don't pity you, I swear. I admire you and that's a big difference. Just tell me if there's anything I can do to help you with the anxiety."