Insane?

Chapter 3

(Extreme TRIGGER WARNING this chapter deals with self harm. I do not promote this as a coping mechanism or a way of release. But this is pretty important to the story. It's pretty similar to how I started considering I based Alex off of me. Do not read if this will cause you to want to self harm. It is not fun to do and you should never start. Not even "just once." If you're thinking of self harming I would talk to someone about it. Make sure to clean the cuts or burns if you do self harm you dont want an infection.)

(Alex's POV)

*14 years old*

It's 3 am. I was in the shower shaving my legs. Yeah whatever boys can shave their legs too, ok?

The razor was sliding across my skin when the crimson red liquid started. Fuck. That hurt like a bitch. I ignored it and once I was out of the shower I got on my lap top careful not to wake Benny up.

I was on Tumblr and normally I really fucking hate this site, but I was looking up coping mechanisms and stress relievers.

This was freaking me out. I clicked on something that said self-harm. What the fuck is that? There was all kinds of shit. There were cuts on arms, legs, stomachs. There were burns too.

Then I saw a hand holding all the razor blades. Some from pencil sharpeners and some from razors.

I could do that. Maybe I should try it. Just one time. Only once and I'll never do it again. I doubt I would even want to. What kind of person cuts themselves on purpose?

So I went into the bathroom and got my razor. Once I broke it apart there were about 5 silver blades. (A/N: I'm not going to say how I broke it open)

I put one in my palm. I put it between my fingers and slid it across my left arm. That almost felt...good. So I did it again.

3 cuts.

4 cuts.

5 cuts.

6.

7.

8.

I couldn't stop and I didn't want to. I didn't know how many I had at this point but my arm was completely full of them. Every inch of my pale skin was full of red lines.

The blood had been dripping on the floor and I knew I had fucked up. Shit, what do I do?

I cleaned up the blood from the floor then quickly started the water in the bath tub and let the it run over my arm. Once the bleeding stopped I put on one of Ben's hoodies. It was way too big which was good because I didn't need anything touching my arm. I hid the razor blades and got into bed. I had one thought in mind. I was going to do it again. I had so much control and it didn't even hurt that bad.

***

(Back to present)

I had woke up this morning and taken a long hot shower. When I was getting dressed I noticed I had a black eye from yesterday when mom punched me in the face. Great. Luckily it's Saturday so no school.

I already knew Ben was gonna flip his shit when he saw it. Its not like I own makeup to cover it or anything. Fuck. I put on black boxers and Ben's big purple hoodie and flipped the hood up hoping he wouldn't notice and walked back into the bedroom. He was sitting on the end of the bed waiting to shower. I went and layed on my stomach on the bed.

"I'll be out in 5 don't move," he told me and got off the bed.

Well shit.

10 minutes later he was back in the bedroom in a pair of black boxers the same as me only with no shirt. He sat down next to me and I flipped over onto my back hiding my face in my hands so he couldn't see.