I decide to have another cigarette, as it's calming my nerves for now. I look up into sky, and wonder what I've ever done to deserve this. I'm never good enough for anyone. I exhale, and snub out the cigarette. Where to go next? I mean I could go to my house, but I want to go home. Real home, and that meant Sheffield back with my mam...
Fuck how could I be so stupid? I've just broken the heart of the man I love, the man I look up to as a musician and just generally. I'm in so much shit, Alex isn't answering his phone calls or messages. There's a surprise. What a mess I've made of my life. As soon as he left me at the door, a wave of emotions hit me. I wanted everyone out of my flat. I basically chucked girls out onto the corridors in tightly clad clothes, they were screaming at me but I didn't care. I need to sort this mess out. I'm now sat in the bathtub fully clothed because I can't summon the strength, to take them off. I let the warm-ish water run over my body, and try not to let the tears out. It's all my fault I've fucked up, how will Alex ever forgive me? He's had so many bad experiences with relationships, and now I'm another one to add to it.
I decide to turn off my phone, because I keep on seeing that Miles is trying to contact me. He's a prick I say out loud. I earn some rather peculiar looks from the people on the train. I'm heading to Sheffield where I belong, with my family. It's rather late by now, so only the flickering of the cheap train lights illuminate the dark. My heart is beyond fixable by now, broken into a million peices that are scattered around and left somewhere near where Miles lives, in Liverpool. My stop is finally here and I get up before the doors have opened. I see the sign "red light indicates that doors are secured", I laugh then I realise it would of been funny on any day but today. When the doors finally do open I let out a sigh and trudge out into the cold night air. I call a taxi to take me home.
How many bottles now? 2, 3, 4? Who knows I lost count at 4. I ran out of cigarettes a long time ago.
Flashback~
You were happy, smoking a cigarette on the balcony. That's when I realised that you meant more than a friend to me. The sunset was pretty, but you were prettier. Dazzling eyes. Eyes that could make any bird enticed, and any lad interested. Certainly me. You stand laughing a laugh that doesn't appear much, cigarette in between your plump luscious lips, dangling down. You inhale the smoke filling your lungs, then you stop laughing. And I realise I've probably not engaged in the conversation for a while. It was probably my flirty comment, or stupid joke that got you to laugh in the first place. They always did. Me Miles, made the Alex Turner laugh and blush. And it was a privalge. You tell me to snap out of it then, I'm brought back into reality. But my reality was a dream really, stood here with you that's all I want in life. You have your back against the railing of the balcony, the sun now almost gone down. "Your crazy when the sun goes down, Miles". I think about that for a moment "I'm always crazy for you Alex". Normally, he would brush it off or come back with a equally vomit inducing comment, as he is after all the king of metaphors and love songs. But it looks like this time he's caught in the head lights, and can't come back with anything witty. In the half light I can see the redness of his cheeks, he then pronounces he's going to get ready for our night out. I follow him back into the room, I wouldn't miss him getting changed for anything.
End of flashback
I try to shake them thoughts out of my head. I manage to make my way out of the kitchen into the living room where, i collapse spilling drinks on my settee. I groan, can my day get any worse? I lay back and enjoy the haziness of been drunk, maybe this would take away my pain for now. I try and not let my thoughts turn to Alex, but it's hard when he's the only perosn I've truly loved for a long time. In fact I've never felt this way about someone ever. And now it's in tatters. Suddenly, a loud knocking awakes me from my daydream. I somehow manage to stumble to my door. I open it to find a very angry Matt Helders. This can't be good. I try to greet him, only to be screamed at "What the fuck have you done to Alex you fucking wanker". Well this night has just got a whole lot worse for me. Me and Alex probably breaking up, and now I've got a riled up Matt Helders about to knock me out. Great.
I knock on my homes door, praying my mam is still awake at this ungodly hour. Thank fuck she is. I'm greeted with the usual how was the tour questions, and how are you questions, and that's when she could see through my lying. I told her every thing, and I had to practically stop her from travelling to Liverpool herself, to have it out with Miles. In the taxi on the way home, I called Matt and told him what happened, he said that he will come and stop at my house from tomorrow. That's the only positive outcome of this whole fucked up situation. It will be great to hang around with Matt for a while, that doesn't involve band matters. Just me and him as mates again, like old times. I drag myself up to my room, and lay down exhausted on my old bed. I look around the room, to see all of my old posters and items around the room. My mam hasn't touched a thing, that makes me happy for a slight moment till I remember all that has happened. I try not to think of Miles and go to sleep, but it fails. It's going to be a long night.
I'm going to fucking make you pay for hurting Alex like you have Miles...
