𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐄 ↠ 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝

chapter 15: the truth

"Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you." - Veronica Roth

☆☆☆☆
Song for chapter:

High Highs - London, After The Rain

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WAKING up behind a building with broken windows and graffiti written all over the walls was not the best idea I've ever had in my life. I sit up from the ground, my body stiff from the dirty cement I fell asleep on.

The sun is up, but I'm hidden in the shadows behind the building under the large roof. Blinking my eyes to focus my vision, I rub my head that is aching from what I assume was all the crying and rapid thoughts running through my head. My hair is dirty, and knotted along with my clothes that have dirt from the ground.

I try to stand up, using a hand to balance myself against the wall since my weak legs won't do the job, the throbbing in my muscles intense. My feet feel sore, aching at the soles. I pull out my phone from the pocket my leggings have on each side of my thighs. I muted my phone, not wanting to talk to anyone.

Looking at all the missed calls and messages, I know that was a mistake. Both my mom and dad, including Austin have called and texted around seventy times. I even have several calls from unknown numbers, and just looking at the flooded messages and calls makes my head hurt even more.

This was a mistake. I know it was. They must have stayed up all night trying to find me, and yet again I put the people I care about in constant worry. Walking from behind the building, I come into the sunlight, using my hand to block it from my eyes. Once they adjust, I look around and see more closed stores and old houses. The street is like a ghost town. I must have ran far enough to reach this point, because I don't remember ever seeing this street at all.

I don't know how long I ran, but my energy was intensified, until I eventually passed out on the ground. Holding my phone in my hand, I use Google maps to put in my address and direct me back home. It tells me I'm an hour away from Victor street.

I sigh, not only seeing how much I have to walk but also cursing myself for running this far away from Dylan's house, making the journey even longer to my own home. I press the start button, the map directing me down the road and at the end to make a left.

Wishing I had earphones, this walk would be a lot easier than what it will be. I walk slowly, my feet screaming yet again as I put pressure on them. My whole body wants to fall and break into dozens of pieces.

During the walk, I had a lot to think about. First, about my sudden outrage towards Austin. It all happened so suddenly. I never expected to go to this party and leave an emotional wreck with feelings coming out of no where and irrational thoughts exploding out of my mouth. The look on his face is something I'll never forget. I hurt him, and I hurt him badly. Not only accusing him of sleeping with Clare, ruining his relationship with his best friend, only being friends with me so he can fix me, but most of all, accusing him to be a horrible person which he isn't.

Next, how my parents have probably dropped dead from an anxiety attack seeing that I didn't come home last night. I've done a lot of things in the past with smoking, drinking, sneaking out, but I always came back home.

And lastly, Oliver. The pain strikes in my chest once again. My heart has been broken and bruised. I miss him, and I always will. But the guilt I feel is eating me alive.

The walk wasn't as long as I thought, as I reach the end of my road. I see my house in the middle of the occupied houses. Time really flies by when you have so much baggage to think about.