Rose Red (An Avengers Fanfiction)

13

"Finally," he whispered to himself. Dr. Franz cleared his throat and got his pen ready. "Go on."

"It's just my lack of progress," I said as I twiddled my thumbs. "In everything actually. My phobia. My social interactions. Even my work. It's seems I'm stuck. It's frustrating."

"And how does that make you feel?"

Typical psychiatrist trick. Divert the question back to you so that you can answer therefore finding self awareness to your problem. In this situation, the question is: How does that make you feel?

"Helpless," I sighed. "Like I can't do anything right. Like I'm always gonna be a failure. Sure I know how to take down a grown man and how to interrogate somebody until they cry but what's the point if I can't live my own life at all? I'm afraid people are going to reject me because of--well, me, and I don't think I can live with that."

"Okay, let's tackle this issue one at a time. You feel helpless by a lack of progress and that's normal. You've been with the Avengers for at least two months. You'll just need more time. It's perfectly natural. Be patient."

"Patient?" I raised my eyebrow at him. "These people test my patience. They're lucky I tolerated them."

He ignored me and my tone, continuing on with his explanation.

"Your phobia? What contributed to your phobia?" I stayed silent trying to think of some excuse to tell him. I was really hoping that we would talk about this later. "The only way this will work is if you are honest with me. Just tell me. I'll keep this just between us. The higher ups won't hear a damn thing, I promise you."

I reached down to my wrist and pulled up my sleeve, exposing the marks that the cuff links left behind.

"My phobia is because of my powers," I traced patterns on the reddened skin. "It's because I'm afraid that if I touch someone, I'll hurt them."

I did hurt someone and it was an accident that I could never just forgive myself for.

"I was thirteen. You remember asking me how my peanut allergy disappeared?"

"That was during out very first sessions if I recall," Dr. Franz flipped through my file looking for some notes. "Here it is."

"My powers activated when I was thirteen. I didn't know how to control them and sometimes they surged at the worst times. There was one time when I was arguing with my mom----gods! It was such a stupid argument. I didn't know why we even argued," I placed my head in my hands. "I just snapped and I hurt her. I didn't kill her but I hurt her and I could never face her or anyone else after that. There was just this crippling fear that I could hurt someone innocent again."

"Interesting. A simple accident and you close yourself off from people at such a young age?"

"I replay that moment over and over, the expression on my mother's face when she realized her worst nightmare came true." I squeezed my eyes closed. "She must have thought of me as a monster. Someone like her shouldn't have forgiven me but she did."

"That's called unconditional love, Maya."

"Don't patronize me," I glared at him. "I swear I don't have an Elsa complex. This isn't Frozen."