Catch me if you can [NARRY AU]

Chapter seventeen

I woke up four times that night. Often to throw up, but mostly to think about what he needed to tell me. He hadn't been making sense at all when I spoke to him on the phone, but then again, for me it was all a blur. From what I remembered, he basically said he pushed me away for my own sake, but if he was gonna tell me in the morning he pushed me away because he wasn't good for me, I was done. He can't think for me, and he needs to understand that. That was just a lie for a 'bad boy', and I wasn't gonna have any of that shit. He needed a good damn explanation for his actions.




I felt so sick and I mentally scolded myself for letting my emotions take over and trying to drink him away. He was all I could think about, why would I thought some booze was gonna help me forget him? I also felt sick, because I was really nervous for the morning. I know he needs to explain himself, but I was anxious about only seeing him. How could I possibly talk to him and have a real conversation? I needed to throw up.




I walked to the bathroom and let it all out. At this point, it was all stomach acid and it hurt like hell. I heard the door open and felt a pair of arms around me.




"I let you drink because you looked like you needed it, but please, don't make this a habit" Louis almost pleaded.



"Believe me, I won't" I felt so miserable I wasn't going near alcohol for a long time.




"Come on, let's clean you up" Louis helped me get up and placed me on the toilet. He grabbed a towel and let it bathe in warm water, then cleaned my face. It felt really good and it was soothing, making me feel sleepy. It was dark in the bathroom but I could see Louis clear. He gave me a weak smile, which I returned. We didn't speak, but there was no tension. I could see in his eyes pity, worry and a bit of anger, but I guess that was meant for Niall.
After he was done he made me brush my teeth and walked me to my room.




"Lou, can you stay with me for the rest of the night?" I asked. I felt really alone and I needed my best friend. He could tell, so he nodded, and climbed in the bed with me. I cuddled to his side and he went with his fingers through my hair.



"Lou?"


"Yes?"



"I'm nervous for tomorrow" I said, my voice small. I wasn't afraid admitting it to him, but the thought about seeing him made me flinch.



"It's gonna be okay Harry. Just talk about it with him, nothing else. It's okay. It's gonna be all okay" he whispered, almost like it was a mantra, but it helped. I became calm and fell asleep, peacefully.





***



I woke up with arms around me and for a split second I thought this weekend was all a bad dream and I woke up in Niall's arms, but when I turned around I saw Louis' sleepy face and almost cried. I composed myself before getting out of bed, slowly, so Louis wouldn't wake up. I grabbed some clean clothes and headed for the shower. I really needed it right now.
When I got rid of my boxers, I stepped under the stream. The water was too hot, but I didn't changed it. I needed to feel something else than nervousness. I washed my hair and body, then got out. Just like a couple days before, I made sure to do things extra slow.



When I came down I saw Louis and Liam eating breakfast, and they had worried plastered all over their faces. Rightfully. I couldn't eat, so I just sat there until they were done.



"Haz, eat at least an apple or something" Liam said. He was always so caring.



"O-okay" Why did I stutter, it was Liam for god's sake.



After all of us were - unfortunately - done, we headed for Liam's car and drove to college. Louis came to sit with me in the back and held my hand, whispering 'it's gonna be okay' and 'don't let him get you down' and 'just think about cock'.



We arrived and I wanted to call in sick so badly, but I know Louis and Liam wouldn't let me. They both hold my hands, Liam my right and Louis my left, and practically dragged me into the building. First period was already with Niall and I felt sick to my stomach.
When we walked in, he wasn't there yet, neither was Zayn. This calmed me down a bit, maybe he ditched today. That would mean I don't get to talk to him, which bothered me, but at the same time, it didn't.



Just when the bell rang, they stubbled in. Zayn was, just like Lou and Liam did with me, dragging Niall inside the room. Zayn saw Liam and winked, but Niall kept his gaze down. I wanted to see his eyes so badly. I wanted to know if I could see any emotion in them, and when he finally looked up, he looked directly at me with a pained expression on his face and I gulped. His eyes were bloodshot, I guess from crying, and they held so much sadness I almost wanted to walk over to him and hug him. Almost.




He probably saw the same thing when he looked at me, cause he bit his lip and looked at Zayn instead. Zayn held his hand and I saw him squeeze, like he reassured him it was fine. Zayn must be as imported for Niall as Liam and Louis were for me, and the fact that he had a best friend like mine, made me happy, because Zayn wouldn't let him do anything stupid. Well, maybe stupid, I mean, it is Zayn and Niall we are talking about here, but not something permanently stupid.



"Gentlemen, just in time" mister Lee said sternly.


Niall muttered something under his breath but I couldn't catch it.


"Just take your seats" Lee said and stared the lecture. Of course I couldn't concentrate, but it looked like Liam couldn't either. He was constantly looking, well blushing, at Zayn as Zayn sent flirtatious looks his way. I looked away, wishing I had the same relationship as them with Niall. Even though I said I hated him, I didn't. I hated what he did - well, still does - to me, but I like him still. I looked at him, but I could only see his back. He wore a withe sweater and some blue jeans, but he looked so hot and cuddly and.... no.



The lecture was finally over, but I couldn't stand up. I waited till Zayn and Niall were out of the room, so I wouldn't have to pass them. Only one period before lunch break, and I was already shaking. I was practically going mad when I remembered neither Liam or Louis were in this class with me, only Zayn. Well, fuck.




I walked in and didn't saw Zayn. I wasn't to happy about that, cause that would mean he could sit next to me if he wanted to, no one else would. People were nice to me, but I didn't really hang out with them. I just took a seat and hoped Zayn wouldn't come.
Unfortunately, he came walking in just in time and, as prodicted, took the seat next to me. I didn't have a problem with Zayn at all, but I just knew he wanted to talk to me about Niall and I was not in the mood to talk about the blonde.



"Hey Harry" he smiled at me.



"Hi" I said, voice cracking.


"So, how was your weekend?" he asked. There was not really any emotion on his face, but his voice betrayed him. He was curious. He probably wanted to know how I was handling it all. I was not gonna lie to him. He probably would tell Niall, but I knew from his text to Liam Niall was a mess, so I couldn't care.



"Horrible" I said, matter-of-factly.



"Look, I'm not telling you he did the right thing, but I can see where he's coming from" he told me in all honestly. He didn't have to tell me who 'he' was.


"Well I don't, maybe if I would I wouldn't be so miserable" I told him. I was not mad at him, I was just confused. Zayn was just as vague as Niall was.




"Trust me, you don't wanna know" he told me, and the tone of his voice told me I was not getting something, and that something was big.



"Well I do. I haven't done anything wrong, and he treats me like shit. I swear to god if you are planning on doing this to Liam you are dead" I said the last part so calmly I scared myself with the truth it held. In Zayn's eyes I could see adoration when I said Liam's name, but also... guilt?



He just nodded and turned to the teacher. He was really planning on doing the same, wasn't he? I was fuming with anger and forgot all about my nervousness. Zayn was dead.



After the period and my anger was over, I became nervous again, but I still waited for Zayn to walk out of the room to talk to him. If he was going to hurt Liam I was going to hurt him. I saw him and grabbed him by his arm.



"Listen, I don't know what you're up to, but if you ever hurt Liam, I will seriously kill you" I said coldly.



"I don't want to hurt him" he said, and I believed him, but that wasn't the point.



"I know that, but that doesn't mean you won't" I let him go and walked to the cafeteria, waiting for something to happen. Nervous feelings came back, but not as much as in the morning. It died down a bit, and maybe now I could keep my food in my stomach. I was looking around for some blonde hair, but I couldn't find him.



"Hi Haz" I knew that voice everywhere. I turned around and saw him. He was looking at his feet with his hands in his pockets. His voice was very raspy and low, probably from crying. I cringed at the thought he was probably crying about me. Even though he hurt me, I didn't want for him to get hurt.


"H-hi" I croaked.



He walked away from the cafeteria, signalling I should follow him. I walked next to him, but the distance between me and him was a big as it could get. He suddenly grabbed me by my wrist and pushed me into a closet. What is it with him and closets?



"You can let go of me now" I said in a monotone voice. He slowly let go of me. It was dark in the closet, but not too dark. I could see his face, and right now it showed pain. I cringed again.



"Why a-are we here?" I asked him.



"So we can talk in private" he told me. His voice held only sadness and I almost cried because of it.



"O-okay, well t-talk" I said nervously. This was it.



"Harry, first of all, you need to know that I like you, more than I should. I want you, no, I need you to know that" he looked up to me and when I saw those eyes from up close, my breath hitched. They were so pale, but red at the same time.


"I-I..." I didn't know what to say, cause it was really hard to believe he liked me when he treated me like I was nothing.



"Harry, I do. I-I like you. Bad. Really bad. I know it's hard to believe and it's okay that you don't know it now, but I hope some day you will know. I know I treated you like shit after our date, and I know I shouldn't have lied to you after the party. I know I was wrong, and if it wasn't for your safety, I promise you, I would never been such an arse. But Harry, my dear Harry, there are some things I can't protect you from, cause it's bigger than me. I know you don't understand the shit I am saying right now, but I can't tell you. All I can say is that the past, my past, is really dark. Really dark. And it's coming for me. It's gonna destroy everything I love Harry, I don't know what to do. I love you too much, I don't want them to hurt you, they're here, I've seen them. Harry, you need to believe me. Please believe me, please" he cried.



All I could do, was hug him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let his head rest in the crook of my neck. His arms wrapped around my waist so tightly I was amazed by myself I could breathe. My shirt was soaking but I didn't care. I couldn't thing about anything anymore. I was confused, worried, sad, heartbroken, and happy. He practically said he loved me.


He
Loved
Me



I wrapped my arms tighter around him, I wanna have him so close to me. His past. What is his past? Why was he so afraid? He was shaking in my arms and he felt very weak. I dragged him to the ground so we could sit. My back was against the wall, when Niall was sitting in my lap, arms and legs wrapped around my waist and his head still in my neck. I rubbed circles in his back in order to shush him, and it helped. A bit. He was still crying, but silently. After another five minutes, I felt like I needed to talk to him, but I didn't know where to start. So instead, I said nothing.



I placed my hands at the sides of his head and pulled him in front of my face. His eyes studied my face very carefully, as if it was the last time I would see him, at least from up close. I was scared that that actually was the problem, and I became frantic.



"T-tell me t-this isn't the l-last time I s-see you, r-right? Tell me, please tell me, Niall, I-I..." now I was the one who was crying. I was tugging at my hair and rocked back and fort, still with him in my lap. If anyone would see us, they would think we belonged in a mental institution.



"I promise you, look at me" he said, grabbing my chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing me to look at him " I promise you, I will do what ever it takes, that this won't be the last time I see you" he said, and I believed him instantly. I wasn't mad anymore, I was only sad, but not because of him. I was sad for him. He was scared shitless, and that made me sad. But I was so mad, so seriously mad. How could anyone frighten him so bad?I felt like I needed to protect him, but I couldn't because I didn't know what I should protect him from.




He looked at me while I was thinking, and let it all sink in. I needed him to know I believed him, I needed to calm him down. I wasn't cool with the situation, but I understood there was very little I could do about it. I just had to accept it, whatever it may be.







"Niall, I believe you, okay? I believe that you like me, I believe your past, I believe you. Yes, you really hurt me when you treated me like garbage, but it hurt me more that I didn't know why. But now I do, and I get it. You tried to protect me, and I couldn't love you more for that" I told him, tears streaming down my face.



"Y-you love me?" he asked in disbelieve. Oh crap. There was no denying it now.



"Y-yeah, I-I do" I said, looking at my lap instead of his demanding eyes.


He grabbed my chin again, not forcefully, but more like I was his grandma's fine china collection.



"Harry, I love you with all I've got" he told me. He looked me in my eyes and I know how honest he was. He leaned in and I could feel his breath on my lips. I looked at him, and he did the same. He became so close I needed to shut my eyes. His lips barley touched mine, but it was the sweetest kiss in history, I was sure. We were just kissing, no tongues, no wandering hands, just holding each other. He was so delicate with me, I felt wetness on my cheeks and salt on my lips. I knew I was crying, again or still, I don't know. All I know was I loved him, and he loved me just as much. With all he's got.











----------------------------------------------


So, how was your christmas? what did you get? I got the 'this is us' movie, just dance 2014, and two books of the serie 'wreck this journal'



I know this isn't every long, but I actually like this chapter and felt like it was the right time to stop here




Hope your winterbreak is magic!





x