The Crappy Life Of Fall

Life Sucks

Hey peoples, I may have not been very active these past couple days, it's just that I've been using alot of my spare time thinking about a few things. Sometimes I feel like I let others take advantage of me too much, all my life it's been happening, it's making me feel mad at myself. I never stand up for myself. Another thing, I know people talk about me behind my back. I feel like there's so much being kept from me. Today I was at my grandma's, we were celebrating my smallest sister's birthday with our family. It wasn't a party, just a little get together with my grandparents and my aunts and uncles. I was watching TV with my sister in the living room, I heard my mom tell my aunts about something that stung me. Apparently one of my mom's uncles said that my mom had nice daughters, but my sister had more vibrant and pretty eyes. I know that she's the prettier one, I know she's always been the happier one, I know that everyone likes her better at first sight, but this hurt. I pushed the thought aside, but when I got home, I took a shower and I began to cry. I haven't cried in a long time, but I think this is well deserved. I'm still crying as I write this, silently crying. I tried to act as if it were no big deal, but this time I just had to let it out. The people I feel most comfortable with are also people who talk about me behind my back. Maybe it's not just my family, it sure doesn't feel like it. I'm not visually appealing to many people, but I can't change that. I try not to have crushes, because everyone nowadays is judging people by how they look and society is terrible, no matter how much you say not to judge a book by it's cover, but the cover is still there to be judged. This year, some new girl thought this one guy was cute, so only about 5 days after they met, they were supposedly "dating", only because he considered the girl 'cute', they barely knew ANYTHING about each other. It's not the first time this has happened. Maybe if people knew me better, I wouldn't be judged as much. The only people that really know me are my friends, sometimes even they don't know everything about me. I hope it's just a thing I'm going through, just being upset with life one day, and tomorrow it'll be all gone. I'm sorry, I just needed to express all my feelings that are all over the place.