Run Away || Luke Hemmings

11

About eight months ago Calum and I found ourselves experimenting. We both had found ourselves in this place were we both needed someone. We couldn't really go at life alone. I mean we had the band, I had Michael and Ash, and he had them and Luke. We needed more than that though. With our high school days it just seemed, right. I mean not right but it's what we had.

It kind of just happened really. We didn't really talk about it much. It honestly made us uncomfortable. We kept it to ourselves really. Calum had always had a little crush on me. It wasn't anything he really thought he'd pursue. He knew that Luke would always have this place in my heart. He was like me though, no one ever knew he did. I especially didn't know until one day things kind of just happened. We were both unhappy with a lot of things and needed some type of love in our lives. The most that ever happened was kissing, making out. I didn't look at Calum like that. I tried to once things started but I just couldn't. No matter how much I was hating Luke at the time he still had a hold on me.

Calum and I tried the whole dating thing for a month and realized things just weren't right. Some fans found out about it. I think that is where some of the hate was streaming from. How could I date one of the band members and move onto another. That didn't make sense to me, so I understood how it wouldn't make sense to anyone else. We did things to weed out his little crush honestly. We realized it was something we both honestly hated. It made things a bit uncomfortable for a bit. It is why there was always a heaviness in the air around us. There was always that one thing that made things weird.

When the band found out about our casual dating things it just got awkward. Conversations just weren't the same. I remember reading things from Luke on twitter. It was a big changing moment for him. I didn't really think of things at the time, Luke was hurting. I just assumed he was tweeting lyrics to songs but looking back I realized why he was hurting. Seeing me dating Calum was Luke's turning point. He was put up against his own feelings. Seeing me with someone else, his own band mate, pissed him off. I was supposed to be his not Calums'. He got jealous, something he didn't hide well but tried to. I mean he was good at hiding who the jealousy was toward but not the actual feeling.

Luke had admitted to himself that he had liked me all along during this time. I never knew this. He admitted it during one of our late night talks while I was in LA. It took me being with someone else for him to finally come to turns with his real emotions. He explained how he didn't want to feel them for me. The drunken night was all of his emotions coming out. He hid them with getting angry at me and pushing me away. He didn't want me at that time. I mean he wanted me deep down but he didn't want to be in love with his best friend. He realized he had no control over his feelings when his jealousy took over.

So in a way I was glad that Calum and I went through what we did. Even if it made things uncomfortable for everyone for a while. There is never an issue with trying things out and exploring options. But with all of this came pain for Calum. Seeing me kiss Luke had to be hard. I mean that is his best friend kissing his ex. Even if we realized there was nothing between us. It still had to be an uncomfortable feeling. Which is all the reasons Calum needed to talk to me.

When Calum and I broke up it took us time to tell people as weird as it sounded. Things between us were complicated. Neither of us wanted to talk to each other for a few weeks. We needed space. Not because we hurt but because it was just awkward. When Calum finally told the boys a few days later Luke tweeted out the lyrics to our song. The lyrics that I had tattooed on my thigh. Except he had tweeted his words, "I'll sing a melody and hope to God she's listening". Later that week I found myself making an appointment for my very first tattoo. Which ended in those lyrics on my body. Little did we both know that it the lyrics would fit us both so perfect. We were both crying out for each other hoping the other was listening.