No Strings Attached

Chapter 12

My eyes drooped open and I struggled to pick my head up. I was curled on the bed with my back against the mahogany bed frame and Dan’s whole left arm stuck out like a sore thumb. She snored softly and I tried not to laugh, especially since it sounded like Squidward’s laugh. I glance at the watch that was decoratively snapped around her wrist. Ten thirty. I crawled out the bed and dressed and I even left her a batch of pancakes for her.

I skipped all along the sidewalk into Dr. Staub’s office. “Hello!” I chirped. I was feeling inexplicably amazing. I honestly feel as if Dan has changed and that we can move on! I smiled so hard it felt painful, actually. Dr. Staub chuckled as he eased himself into his faux-leather recliner. It made a stifling sound as if Dr. Staub farted and I didn’t even bother holding back my laughter. I went crazy even. I clutched my belly as an eruption of laughter left my voice box and pierced the very air. Even Dr. Staub joined the merriment, “So I’m guessing you’re good?” he asked holding his pen and clipboard.

I nodded and wiped a straining tear from my eye, “I’m great! Danielle is living with me a-”

Staub almost dropped his pen and the colors drained from his chubby face, “Uh you mean Danielle your cousin? The one from the uh accident?”

I nodded boldly and I didn’t care. “So you’re okay with this all of it?”

I shrugged and my eyebrows knitted together, “I uh don’t know. I mean we were young and drunk and I’ve done everything I could. I know I tried. I-” my voice cracked and I stopped talking for in fear of breaking down maybe I wasn’t completely over it.

Dr. Staub placed a gentle hand on my now shaking shoulder. He smiled and his mustache looked like a fury caterpillar, “Jaime it might help if you open up. I mean this is what your mum pays for.”

I sigh and scratch my head. I knew this was definitely not going to win this argument. I pursed my lips in defeat, “Okay so well it all started one summer day about 5 years ago. Dan came to visit and all was well until she convinced me to go to this rave. I-I went and cried and it was horrible. There was smoke and coke and everything in between. She gave me a red cup and I gulped it down. Soon I was drunk as hell and all I remember being in a hotel room with her and a couple others and they were sniffing from metallic plates and a-” I burst out in tears and curled into a ball. I rocked back and cried. It was as if I was a dam and I had burst and there was no stopping the flowing water. I wished my mum was here to comfort m, to just hold me and tell me all is well. I felt someone sit near me, but it wasn’t mum. It was Dr. Staub.

He placed his reassuring hand over my shoulder and pressed slightly, “There there Jaime. You’ve made some progress. If you want we can pick it up next week, okay?” he got up and pulled me in for a hug and for a second I felt calm. I hated strolling down memory lane. I’d much rather just march forward and carry on than dwell on the past. Maybe that’s what I need to do with Louis.

I wiped my cheeks dry and smiled, “Thank you. I’ll see you next week.” I walked to the door and back into the bitterly cold day. My hair whipped all around me snapping at my cheeks and neck. I ended up tying my hair into a bun. My heart was racing at the recollection of that horrid night: the pungent odor of barf and sweat, the blaring volume of their death metal music booming from the stereo, and the awful spinning. I couldn’t stand up at all and the powder, angel dust they called it.

I pondered over the memories carefully like a fresh scab and before I knew it, it began to drizzle. Of course I was caught off guard with no umbrella what-so-ever. I pulled my hood over my head and began to pick up my pace. I jogged over puddles and the wet slicked cement. My footing slipped slightly but I managed to catch myself on a lamp post. I was a block away from home. My breath was jagged from the running; I am definitely bent out of shape. Once I got to the door the doorman tipped his hat and I simply waved my soaking hand his way. The warm red velvet carpeted lounging area was empty except for a couple and their toddler huddling close by the flickering open flame, their faces pale and pink from the cold. The toddler huddled closer to the fire, but her pop pulled her onto his lap. She giggled profoundly as the mum’s face radiated. I felt myself go warm on the inside, happy that true love still exists.