As the days get colder, so do I. Bitter and depressed, trying my hardest to deflect those emotions but I barely survive.
It made me feel so fragile and broken, like I was swimming in my own eggshells.
I felt empty and hollow, like the inside of a shell you find at the beach. But I smelled of regret instead of the sea.
I grew angrier by the day, wishing I could be content knowing I wasn't. It was a game I played with myself and I always lost.
I was happy he tucked himself away, i couldnt face him, not when I felt like this. It was like one of the masks I used to wear has melted onto my insides. And i'm forced to be this vulnerable and weak person that I know I'm not.
The only thing I can do is shrug and say 'meh', 'oh well'. And blink every now and then. Inhale and exhale. Smile when I don't feel like it.
I have all of these thoughts chasing each other in my head and I feel like i'm going to explode. Him, them and I.
Thoughts of the past, present and the future.
I want to run in the cold.
I want to run away.
