SWIM (LAMS AU)

The Video

      John swam.
     
      It was all he could do,  arms pushing against the water,  legs propelling him forward. If he swam fast enough,  hard enough,  he could become one with the water, forget the world.

      He could hear the audio of the video, could hear Alex muttering in agitation. He focused on the water.  He swam.

      It had been uploaded the morning after Halloween. Yesterday. John knew who had uploaded it. John was not going to tell Alex.

      "Can you come here for a sec?" Hamilton asked.  He could hear the worry in the smaller boy's voice. Laurens lifted himself out of the pool in one fluid movement, struggling to keep his face unreadable. He pulled on a shirt and some sweat pants. Alex's eyes were large and soft, "Are you going to be ok?"

      Laurens couldn't pretend.  Not to Alex. He shook his head. "Im never going to be able to live this down," he said,  voice cracking a bit, "If i thought it was bad before,  it's about to get a lot worse."

      "Who uploaded it?"

      Laurens shrugged.  The shrug was a lie without words. His eyes were caught on the screen on Alexander's lap. He could see himself,  stomach exposed,  wielding a plastic sword. If he was somebody else,  this might not be a huge deal.  But he was John Laurens; son of Henry Laurens,  the weird kid with no friends.  The disappointment

       Alex stood up and rested his hands on John's shoulders, forcing the two to look at each other. 

     "I'm going to be there for you,  John.  No matter what happens," he whispered, and pulled the taller boy to him,  holding him as he struggled to fight down tears.

      On the other side of town, Thomas Jefferson laid in his canopy bed, contemplating the events of October 31. It had been interesting,  but not interesting enough.

     "Thomas, you better come look at this," James called from the room next door.  Groaning,  Jefferson lifted himself out of bed.  He was nursing a bad hangover and felt dizzy for a moment as he went to see what James had made him get out of bed for.

     "Someone recorded that kid swordfighting with you," James explained.

     "I can see that," Jefferson drawled, "but who was it?"

      Madison shrugged, and he really didn't know who it was.

      Eliza Schuyler watched the video unhappily. She had a hunch about the perpetrator.  She had felt his eyes on her all night.  She had felt his eyes on Jefferson.  She had felt his eyes on Hamilton. She hadn't wanted attention in America and now she's guaranteed it.

      She shut her laptop a little too forcefully.

     Back at the pool John breathed in Hamilton's scent, like old books and newly washed linens. His lips pressed against the fabric of Hamilton's shirt. He tried to work up the courage to say a thousand things he needed to.  He said none of them.

    Hamilton pulled away and looked at Laurens, "You ok?"

    Laurens nodded.  What was he supposed to say? And to be honest, in that moment, he really was okay. He looked deep into Alex's eyes and was very aware that their faces were closer than they ever had been.

    Alexander was going to kiss him. John let his eyelids flutter closed.

   Alexander pulled away. He didn't kiss him. John felt his stomach turn into a pit of disappointment and all the bad feelings came crashing back onto him, waves of anger and humiliation suffocating him.

    He was about to have an anxiety attack and it was gonna be a bad one.

   Without looking back, he turned and ran out of the pool. Maybe Hamilton protested- John didn't hear.  He pushed through throngs of students until he got to the men's bathroom- which was disgusting, but at least it was private. He let himself into a stall and locked the door behind him before sliding down to the ground and putting his head between his knees, breathing heavily.

   Once Peggy had told him to make a list of everything that was wrong so that he could sort it out better. So he did.

   1) A video of me in a crop top, drunk and sword-fighting has been published.

   2) I don't know what will happen if I go home.

   3) Alexander didn't kiss me at the pool.

   4) Alexander didn't kiss me at the pool.

   5) Alexander didn't kiss me at the pool.

   6) What if I read the signs all wrong? Maybe he doesn't like me that much.

   But before he could contemplate further, the door burst open. John froze. He could have sworn his heart stopped for a split second.

   "Did you see the video?" A laughing voice said. Charles Lee, "Fucking priceless. He was wearing a belly shirt."

   "What a fag," another voice agreed. Samuel. "His father oughta be ashamed. If I had a son that was gay..." The laughter increased again, leaving John to wonder what Samuel had implied. "How'd you even get the video, man?"

    "I filmed it," a calm, quiet voice said. John screwed his eyes shut, hot tears threatening to leak out. The voice wasn't a surprise. That didn't make it hurt less.

   "Whoa that means you saw that shit in person. How gay was it?"

   The third voice was silent. It didn't matter. The other two boys filled the quiet with raucous laughter. John heard a zipper, assumed one of them was done peeing. The rush of water filled the bathroom and then the opening of the door- and then the laughter was cut off.

    Samuel Seabury was gone. 

    Charles Lee was gone.

   And Aaron Burr was gone...

   But not for long.

A/N) Sorry! Not a great chapter. But I have a three day weekend and I just went through a breakup so get ready for some angst : ))))))))))) -Pasta