Sebastian (BoyXBoy, Werewolf)(Book 2) COMPLETED

Chapter 15

I shake my head and go back to coloring in the rose petals of my sketch. Maybe I will have to be the one to ask James out. I will be nervous as heck but I feel like we should do something about our feelings instead of just telling each other we like one another.

How should I do this? I have never been on a date before, hell, I've never even had my first kiss. Maybe I can ask Codee or Wanda for help. Oh, maybe I'll just look some date ideas up instead, that would save me the embarrassment of asking for help on something that I shouldn't be stressing over already.

Oh god! What if I plan the perfect date and James rejects me? I'm not sure how I would handle being rejected by the first guy who shares feeling with me. I don't think I would be able to handle it. My heart clinches painfully at the thought of James rejecting me. Oh god, why does that hurt so much? I don't think I could live without James, I don't know why, but I just know I couldn't. God, I really am a clingy boyfriend already. Maybe it's better if I don't get involved with James at all. If we don't get involved now then there is no chance of heartbreak, no chance of rejection, and no chance of me falling in love with James.

My heart clinches painfully again and tears sting my eyes. I feel like I'm breaking up with James and were not even together! God this hurts so bad! The thought of not being with James hurts. The thought of being with James hurts because I'm afraid he will find out he doesn't like me that way anymore. The thought of never seeing James again hurts the most though. I have to see James, but why? Why does this hurt so bad?

My breathing speeds up and I the first tear roll down my cheek to splash onto my sketch book. Then more tears roll down, they speed up until I am a balling mess and my sketch ruined and smeared. I try to control my breathing but I just can't. My hands start to shake as I slam my sketch book closed and shove it in my bag.

My heart hurts so bad right now, I didn't even know it was possible for your heart to hurt, but I guess this is what heartbreak feels like. I feel empty and lonely inside. I can't control my breathing or the tears as I sling my backpack on my shoulder and sprint out of the library. I bump into someone on my way out that causes my backpack to fall to the ground. I can't pick it up as a panic attack hits me full force.

"Sebastian!" I hear Codee call but I can't stop now. I am embarrassed for letting her see me cry, embarrassed that I am having a panic attack, embarrassed that I am not good enough for James, embarrassed to be me.

I run through the deserted hallways and out the main doors. I start to head in the direction of my house but I quickly change direction once I remember Wanda would be home. I don't feel like explaining myself to Wanda right now, she would question me until she is blue in the face.

No, instead I head for the heart of the city towards my favorite getaway place. As I run my breathing turns into pants but the tears never cease to roll down my face and blind me. I don't even notice the stinging pain in my ass and lower back from my still healing tailbone.

The snow is thick on the ground as I run and my boots make a loud clunky noise as I crush the snow. Running in snow boots is rather difficult, especially when they are Doc Marten snow boots. I don't even have my coat or hoodie on since today I decided not to wear a hoodie. What a great idea that was. I make some pretty awesome choices with my life.

I don't even slow down as the tiny building comes into view, so without really caring if I broke anything or if other customers would be there, I burst through the door into the warm, sugary building.

"Ella!" I shout as I fall to my knees as more tears sting my eyes and roll down my freezing face. The pain in my ass and back is nothing compared to how my heart feels right now. I feel like I can't breathe, and it's not from running a few miles either. I can't breathe because I feel like my heart is painfully breaking into a million little pieces.