Entranced

Epilogue Part 1

I know this feeling all too well.

This heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, worrisome sensation of dread and nervousness and anxiety all entwined into one toxic concoction.

Fear. An old, intimate emotion that continues to stay by my side despite my efforts at pushing him away.

Like a rite of passage, my sister - no, my sisters - have been through the fears that have plagued our sanities. We wander, our whole lives, seeking to find solace that can only end by the facing of our deepest fears.

For Minyoung, it's the moment she finds her biological mother and seeing her for who she really is, rather than the fantasy she dreamt up her whole life.

For Hyejin, it is the fleeting second where she realizes that she can stand on her own two feet, making painful breakaways with or without the man whose desperation leads him to violence.

For me, it's the simple task of entering the gates of the Cirque de Envoûtement and realizing, with dawning panic, the extent to how it has been tormenting my thoughts since the day I left.

How can something so broken yet whole, something so imperfect and most importantly, fully mine, be the very thing I dread to see the most?

As Hyejeong breathed heavily in her seat, the bus was in a lively mood, with Bomi assisting the children out of the bus, while Hyejin stood at the rear, counting heads. As the children filtered out, she let out a chuckle.

"No wonder he wasn't jumping at you when you came in," she said to Hyejeong, pulling her sister out from her bubble of thoughts, "He's asleep. Look at him, how adorable!"

I can't hide from them forever, Hyejeong thought, biting her lip nervously. She got up, walking over to the seat her sister was standing next to, and looked down.

She couldn't suppress the tender smile on her lips as her eyes fell on the little figure curled up next to the window of the stationary bus.

Has it really been so long?

She reached out to the five-year-old, stroking his hair, thinking back to the day she had first held him in her arms. He had been such a little thing back then, so tiny and fragile...and hadn't he been asleep then too?

"Minkyung-ah," she murmured, kissing his brow, "We're here."

A part of her willed him to take his time and wake up, if only to buy her some time to compose herself before going out and revealing her presence to the cirque members. Already she could hear a multitude of voices, most of them excitable and cheery.

She swallowed. Being around Minkyung had always been her way of calming herself; his presence was comforting to her whenever she dropped by the women's home, and although he wasn't like the other boisterous children with their loud personalities, his whimsical demeanour closely resembled her own.

I thought children are supposed to find reassurance from the adult, not the other way around.

Now she stroked the fine black strands of his thick hair, watching as his eyes fluttered open, blinking sleepily up at her.

"Hey," she whispered, forcing a smile on his face, "We've arrived."

He blinked, and she helped him to a seating position, rubbing his eyes as he looked out the window. "We are?" he asked her softly.

She nodded.

"Then..." he yawned, an excited grin adorning his rosy face as he got up from his seat. "Let's go!"