Snippets

Broken

Have you ever just sat and thought of everything has generally gone wrong in your life? Ever gone and thought about what you could have done to deserve it? I had. A lot.  And when I stood in that door way to my councillor's office, it hit me so hard that I generally didn't know how I was still alive.

I'd lost my mom, my job and my Fiancé (who was pretty shitty anyway)  My dad spent more time doped up on this drug or that one, I was near enough homeless and I couldn't seem to find a job no matter what I did. Even McDonald's wouldn't take me. I had no friends, didn't even see the point in carrying my phone and to top it all off my doctor tells me I'm depressed and need to have a phycologist test.

When I looked at her sitting in a chair, dressed nicely and smiling at me. I saw ever bit of difference between the two of us and we seemed to be in two different world's.

I felt broken and it finally seemed to sink in that I had no reason to be in this world.

My legs began to feel weak but before I went to the ground, strong, warm arms wrapped around me. I felt the body behind me as we both went to the floor and I broke down crying. I hadn't cried when my mom died.  I didn't cry when my ex hit me several times a week, I didn't cry when I had the letter telling me I needed to move out. I didn't cry when I found my ex in bed with another woman.

I held in and acted like it didn't hurt, I began to believe in the mask I wore that was who I was but I wasn't.  I was just hiding behind it trying to act but it broke.

Who's arms I was in I couldn't tell you but the sense of safety that engulfed me was too much for my broken heart and I held on to their shirt and wept my eyes out.

It had been so long since someone simply held me that I had forgotten the comfort that it brought to me.