Suicidal. (One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8



*****Ariana's P.O.V *****



Today was a windy day. It looked so empty. And I felt empty too. I didn't really payed much attention to my surroundings. Everything was just happening so fast. Nurses giving me my pills, doctors checking up on me once in a while, and more nurses offering me some food.


All I ate was an apple and drank 1 glass of water. At first, I refused, but the nurses made me. I looked around my room, I found out there was a closet in my room. In my closet, there was all my sketch pads in there. And there was my guitar case, and other stuff.


I looked over to the lonely piano on the dark corner. There was some sketch pads and papers of drawings on it. I walked over to it. I really never noticed my drawings and the little details until I look at it the second time. This one, I absolutely loved. It just somehow caught my attention.


It was me, with a lighter on my hand, setting my life on fire. At the background, you can see some people trying to fan out the flames. I couldn't really notice their faces since I drew this one like a month ago.


I looked at the next drawing next to it. It was another one which scared me. It was those darkest times where I would just draw anything that first appeared in my head. It was me, lying in my bed, looking up ahead at the demon on top of me. I was staring at it, wide eyed, terrified. It looked so real and scary. The demon was asking for an entrance, no wait, it was just going in.


That's when I noticed there wasn't a monster under my bed, but it was inside my head. And it just didn't want to come out. I flipped to the next page since it was stapled with another page. It was the exact same one, but the demon wasn't on top of me. I wasn't wide eyed, terrified, scared or anything.


I looked lifeless and was lying down on the bed, with my eyes closed. And my face had an expression of hurt. I flipped to the other page. This time it was scarier. It was me, waking up, with my eyes pure black instead of it's natural dark brown ones. It was staring lifeless up at the ceiling, and a little 'help' sign came out if my mouth, and it looked like smoke was coming out of my mouth. It absolutely terrified me.


Before I knew it I threw it across the room and sat on my bed with my knees close to my chest. And I kept rocking back n' forth. I prayed and prayed, went to church every Sunday, but yet, no luck has ever happened. I was just the same old Suicidal person I have been since I was 3 or 4 years ago.


I closed my eyes for a while, thinking about the exciting things in my life when I was so happy. But, I just couldn't think of one. My mind refused and focused on the bad ones.


*Flashback*

October 11, 2008


"Hmm hmmm mhh..." I hummed, to my favorite song, Michael Jackson Thriller. I absolutely loved him, he was my idol. And I just hope one day I get to meet him. But sadly, my parents don't have enough money, and they won't give me money even if I went on my knees and begged.


Today was the day I was going to ask Harry to stop bullying me. I felt happy. Brave and Confident. I just wished luck was on my side today. I walked to school with my usual school bag since I had the 6th grade, I was in the 8th grade now. And my parents always refused to buy me a new one. According to them I was just a mistake, and another waste of space.


I walked much faster to school. I just wanted all of this over. I just wanted my life back. I walked through the school's gate, and luckily there was Harry, on the bench talking to Louis. At least the rest won't be here.


I walked up to him, and suddenly all my confident started to soon vanish away second by second, step by step. When I was right behind him, I hesitated to tap on his shoulder. But I had to do this. I tapped lightly on his shoulder. He turned around slowly and looked at me up and down with full of disgust. I should've known this was a bad idea. I looked around instead of making eye contact with him, I knew there was demons in here, I could see them. And they were coming for me.


I looked at the impatient Harry, I cleared my throat. "U-uh, I just wanted t-to-" I said but was cut off by Harry slapping me across my face. I whimpered and looked at my surroundings. The demons were laughing at...me. The angels did everything they can to help, but it was no use, the demons are too strong.


I took a step back and looked at Harry. "Please..." I spoked softly. He rolled his eyes, and let me continued. " I want you to s-stop bu-bull-bullying m-me..." I muttered. He just started to laugh. He laughed until his stomach started to hurt.


I'm guessing that was a no....


"Demons..." I just whispered slowly. I didn't mean to say it, I just thought about it. Harry must've noticed and he started to look at me confused, "What?" He said harsh fully. I looked around, and soon enough, there was demons all around looking at me, glaring at me, staring deep into my soul, if looks could kill, I'd be dead.


While the angels stared at me with a sad smile and sympathy and guilt in their eyes as they tried to fight of the demons. Nothing worked.


"You are a demon!" I said, my tears blurring my vision, and soon I enough, my tears kept falling. He looked at me like I was some mental person. He looked at me harsh fully and then started to kick me in my stomach, Louis helped Harry and he just punched me in the face. I fell to the floor and cried out in pain.


Some other girls joined too and this one girl who had a hot coffee, poured it all over me. I yelled in pain, and in torture. I just couldn't believe how much the Universe hated me. "I HOPE YOU DIE BITCH!" This one girl said.


"Maybe I should..." I said, as I coughed up some blood and just felt the pain go all over my body. It all hurt so much. I couldn't take it anymore. "YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT, PATHETIC, WASTE OF SPACE, HORRIBLE, AND A BITCH! AND YOU ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD AND DIFFERENT! NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE YOU! I heard Harry yelled through his gritted teeth.


"The difference b-between y-you and m-me, is t-that whe-when y-you wake u-up, you-your ni-nightmare ends." I said, as much as I can, as loud as I can, as Niall joined along and started to jump on my ankles and feet. I felt as all the tears just washed down my cheeks. The tears will wash away but my feelings won't go.


He just kicked me once more, hard. And turned around, with everyone following behind him like if they were lost puppies. I just watched him, as he left. What I felt now was Blankness, Numbness. Nothing.


*Flashback Over*


*****

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