Reason To Fight

Chapter 17

Camila’s POV

(Please pay attention to all lyrics)

I hope my smile can distract you

I hope my fists can fight for two

So it never has to show

And you’ll never know

Throughout the week after that day of - ahem - mindblowing sex, we praised the lord for hotel rooms and the privacy of it, because it never stopped. We’d rush up to the rooms after a tiring day, and we’d know we’re risking sleep but we didn’t care. It was inevitable. However, only for a week. But then it lessened. Our schedules had become more crowded, harder, more exhausting. The lack of sleep was always worth it in the beginning, but then it was more difficult. We’d come back home at three A.M and need to wake up at five A.M.

Sometimes I’d try, but it never helped. It’s been weeks now, and we’re slowly distancing. I even had to be roomed with Dinah once, and of course I didn’t mind, because I love Dinah and she makes me really happy - especially since that was the night Dinah and I heard ourselves on the radio -  but it only made me and Lauren’s relationship even more distant.

In other words, it sucks. It sucks, because it feels like we’re falling apart and all I wanna do is hold Lauren and leave it at that. I don’t even want anything else anymore. I just want Lauren. And the work management has put us through isn’t helping. Sure, in the tour bus all five of us have gotten closer but we never have our own time anymore. Plus, Lauren’s mostly always sleeping and it’s hard to gain any of her attention.

"Babe?" I asked with a pout as I crawled over the hotel room bed of the night, and snuggled into Lauren’s back.

"Hmm?" She muttered back.

"I miss you," I said as I smiled into her neck, and I could feel her shiver.

"Me too, Camz," and that was all she said. She didn’t turn, there was no enthusiasm or emotion or anything.

"Lolo, look at me," I pleaded from behind her, and she sighed as she turned the other way. She fucking sighed. Was I that much of a burden?

"Camz, I’m sorry, my eyes are just literally closing on their own, and I’m way too tired for anything," she turned again with no more explanation.

I wrapped my arms around her torso from behind, and nodded against her.

I kept on trying, and trying, and trying, and fighting so this relationship could stand for the past few weeks, but she’s putting no effort at all.

I felt like I was right back at square one. Fighting for her love and attention.

I sighed and I think she felt it because she shakily let out a, “good night, baby.”

"G’night," I muttered back into her neck.

I didn’t want to be that girl again, the one who fights and fights and all that fighting being only one sided. I remember how it felt, when I chased after her for almost a year, the time I spent denying it or avoiding her or fighting for her. All of it. All of it was one big painful scrabble of events; of feelings that fucking hurt because they weren’t returned or because Lauren was too fucking confusing.