Waking Up

14 - Midnight

Chris caresses my cheek with the back of his fingers, they way he used to do when we were first married, before his career took off. The morning sun shines through the white chiffon curtains lining our bedroom windows. The brightness of our white comforter causes me to squint. I blink rapidly as I try to recall recent events.

"Looks like you've had a bad dream," Chris says.

"Really? It was a dream?"

"Yeah," he says, smiling to one side. "Was it bad? You were whimpering a bit."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I would have if you got too worked up, but... whatever it was, it seems you worked it out."

"I can't believe it was all just a dream. It was so real. The smoke, the fires, the --"

"Shh..." he says as he traces my chin and neck with his fingers. "It's over now."

The sunlight from the window calls my attention, and I look across the room to find blue skies filling the scenery outside. Songbirds chirp in a nearby tree, and I can hear Luke playing outside in the backyard. His giggles stir up a warm, serene sensation in my chest, a feeling so profound that I take a deep breath and sigh.

Chris is alive. Luke is safe from harm. It was all just a dream, a painful nightmare, and I awoke from it to this perfect, glorious morning.

I roll onto my back and grin as I think about today's plans.

But, there are no plans. That's weird. Even tedious tasks like cleaning or food shopping are items on my agenda. I always have plans for the day. Always.

I can't recall what I did yesterday either, or the day before that. I sit up as my absentmindedness unsettles me, and I try hard to remember the very last thing I did before going to bed last night.

Chris sits up next to me. "Why don't you go back to sleep? It seems the nightmare has tired you out."

"But -"

"Just close your eyes," Chris says in a silky voice, nudging me to lie down, hypnotizing me with his gaze. I rest my head on my pillow, and Chris lays his head on his. He stares straight into my eyes, his words sounding like soporific melodies. "Go ahead, close your eyes," he whispers. "I'm right here. Nothing is going to happen to you."

He caresses my cheek once more, and I finally go back to sleep.

I wake up in a rush and scan the dark walls of our tent. The wind howls as if warning us of the chilling overnight air.

Luke wakes up next to me, rubbing his eyes. "Mom?"

"I'm sorry I woke you, Honey. Go back to sleep."

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asks, looking up at me with tired eyes.

"No," I snuggle in with Luke under the blanket. "I had a wonderful dream, but... it's over."

"Was I in your dream?"

I smile. "You are always in my dreams, Luke."

"Was Daddy in it?"

"He was."

Luke groans and turns back to his side. "I have dreams with Daddy too."

"You do? What do you do in your dreams with Daddy?"

"We play, and run," he yawns, "and do all sorts of stuff."

As the rhythm of Luke's breath lengthens and becomes steady, I think about my dream. White sheets, white curtains, white pajamas... What did all the white mean? Did it mean anything? Is the universe trying to tell me that Chris is in heaven, that he's...

"Mommy?"

I clear my throat. "Yes?"

"Daddy told me that everything will be okay."

"He did? When?"

"Last night. In my dream. He said everything was going to be okay, and to take care of you."

I swallow hard. "What were you and Daddy doing in your dream?"

"We were fishing."

I chuckle. "But you've never gone fishing with Daddy."

"It's a dream, Mom. Anything can happen in a dream."